Skip to main content
Let the scales fall from your eyes, dear readers, for truly name brand products are beneath you.

Name Brand Products Are Beneath You: The Honor and Glory of Buying Generic

Gather round, children, while I tell you one of adulthood’s greatest secrets. It is a pearl of wisdom that can only be gained by leaving the nest, spreading your wings, and comparison shopping. Retailers don’t want you to know it, advertising agencies spend bajillions trying to keep you from learning it. You can live your whole life in ignorance of this simple fact if you don’t spend a little extra effort to look around yourself and pay attention at the goddamn grocery store.

Are you ready? Of course you are, you badass paragon of frugality and virtue.

Read More

There is a way to build up good, healthy credit while neither increasing your debt nor your risk.

How to Build Good Credit Without Going Into Debt

As we’ve discussed, adult human beings need credit—good credit—to do lots of important adult things such as renting apartments and buying cars. But having debt, whether it be in the form of a balance on a credit card or just Ye Olde Stvdint Loane, can be fucking terrifying.

Fear not, gentle readers. For there is a way to build up good, healthy credit while neither increasing your debt nor your risk.

Read More

If you really need to borrow money but you're scared of the bad kind of interest, don't fret! For there are ways to lessen the pain of paying interest on a loan.

Dafuq Is Interest and How Does It Work for the Forces of Darkness?

Here at Bitches Get Riches, we’re constantly extolling the virtues of the law of compounding interest, which Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela all coined the Eighth Wonder of the World.* This might lead personal finance novices to believe that interest is universally a great and wealth-building thing. Not so, dear readers. Not so. Just as interest can work for you, contributing mightily to your financial goals over a long period of time, so it can spell your very doom. DOOM.

Like a monetary Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, interest has both your best interests (see what I did there?) and your utter financial destruction at its heart. Let’s explore the dual nature of interest with a healthy dose of hyperbole, shall we?

*Not intended to be a factual statement

Read More

Go to the goddamn library, you fool.

The Library Is a Magical Place and You Should Fucking Go There

Back when I lived in a hippie commune with approximately nine humans and 37 dogs, I would bike to the library on a regular basis to keep myself in reading material without spending all of my meager paycheck on books. As I was leaving one day, I asked one of my roommates if she wanted me to pick up anything at the library for her. Her response: “Is it free?”

Is it free? Is it free?

Read More

You do not need a 52-inch TV on which to watch steroid-enhanced men in spandex bowl each other over in between reminders that we are all slaves to capitalism.

Dafuq Is a Down Payment and Why Do You Need One to Buy Stuff?

Sometimes you don’t have enough money in the bank to buy stuff, so you borrow money to buy the stuff. But if you have some money, it is always better to use it to pay for part of the stuff than to borrow all the money you need to buy the stuff.

In an ideal world, we’d all pay for expensive things like cars and houses and a college education with the money that we already have. But unless you have a Scrooge McDuckian money vault at your disposal, paying cash in full for a car or house or bachelor’s degree feels nigh impossible.

Read More

css.php