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S2 E5: "What do I need to know about moving into my first apartment?"

Season 2, Episode 5: “What Do I Need to Know about Moving into My First Apartment?”

It is Bitches Get Riches canon that Kitty and I met when we were randomly assigned roommates freshman year of college. We bonded through the adversity of cohabiting in a forced triple with an infuriating third party who shall forever remain nameless. The two of us shared a bunkbed and ceded one entire half of the room to that creature’s baffling habits and excessive belongings. I won’t go into it except to quote General William Tecumseh Sherman: “War is hell.”

Yet BGR lore rarely tells the end of the story! For after that fateful freshman year, we went on to rent our first apartment together, taking our roommateship to the next level. Nothing tests a friendship like shopping for a shower curtain together.

We survived our fourth-floor walkup with its busted dollhouse dishwasher and coffin-like shower. But more importantly, our friendship survived.

And thus, we feel uniquely qualified to dispense advice on Baby’s First Apartment!

This week’s question

Today’s question comes to us from Patreon supporter Aidan. Aidan asks:

Hello. I have been a longtime follower of your blog, but now I’m in need of financial advice so here I am. I have been researching throughout the internet and all, but there isn’t enough information about getting a first apartment. Like, what type of hidden costs or whatever are important to know about in regards to getting an apartment? How much money will I end up spending in the initial months of moving into an apartment? What type of things do you wish you knew before moving into your first apartment? Advice is much appreciated, thank you for taking time to answer this question.

– Patron Aidan

It’s like someone sent up our Bat Signal.

For more of our very knowledgeable thoughts and opinions on the matter of apartments and moving out for the first time:

We heckin adore our patrons. They’re the special sauce that brings this whole blog-cum-podcast together.* So thanks to our Patreon donors for supporting us. We know it’s but a pittance in exchange, but we reward all our patrons with exclusive goodies like 24/7 Q&A support, exclusive merch, and voting on article topics every month. If you want to join the ranks of Bitches Get Riches supporters, head on over to our Patreon page!

*Forgive me, but I cannot promise I will never use the words “special sauce” and “cum” in the same sentence again on this blog.

Season 2, Episode 4: "Does my career have to define me? Or can I just clock out?"

Season 2, Episode 4: “Does My Career Have to Define Me? Or Can I Just Clock Out?”

I like me a timely discussion. Especially when it’s completely unplanned!

Which is definitely the case with this week’s episode of the BGR podcast. We recorded it in… April? May? (Time is a flat circle infected with COVID-19 so who fucking knows???) And yet it directly links to my story about getting laid off, which we published just a few weeks ago.

Toward the end of my job, I was really struggling with work/life balance, and making choices to prioritize my employment—not even my career, but just holding onto a job it turns out I didn’t really need—over my happiness. In short, I was balancing work and life all wrong.

Which leads us directly to this week’s illustrious podcast question asker!

This week’s question

An anonymous Tumblr follower asks…

Bitches, halp. I don’t want to do amazing shit for my job. I just want a steady 9-5 with routine, white-collar work I can drop and forget the second my feet cross my home threshold. I’m in the EU, so this kinda job still exists over here, lucky me. But damn if I don’t feel bombarded from all sides with “LOVE YOUR JOB; YOUR JOB DEFINES YOU; YOU = YOUR JOB; IF YOU DON’T HUSTLE 24/7 YOU’RE A FAILURE.” How the fuck do I kick that outta my brain? I just wanna earn money, feed my cat, and play games, dammit.”

You’ve got to admire the pure simplicity of this question. They’re not looking for passion and fulfillment inside the workplace… because they’re planning on getting it through their rich personal life! And yet this seems so antithetical to every fucking “LOVE YOUR JOB AND YOU’LL NEVER WORK A DAY IN YOUR LIFE” inspirational poster hanging in a middle manager’s office.

Can one truly just rake in a paycheck and then completely disconnect? Leave work at the office and revel in truly free personal time? Let’s find out!

For more on this topic:

Our patrons are the wind beneath our wings. Without them, season two of the podcast simply would not have happened. We literally can’t stop thanking our Patreon donors for all the support they give us. Which is why we reward their loyalty with patented BGR goodies, like exclusive merch, monthly article topic polls, and direct, 24/7 access to our Bitchy guidance. If you want to join the ranks of Bitches Get Riches supporters, head on over to our Patreon page!

Season 2, Episode 3: "Why is my girlfriend pissed at me for being generous?"

Season 2, Episode 3: “Why Is My Girlfriend Pissed at Me for Being Generous?”

We have friends in real life.

No really, we do!

Why don’t you ever hear about them? They, uh, live in Canada…?

This week’s question comes from one of our IRL pals, whom we’ve called Will. He’s in conflict with his girlfriend over money. Specifically, she seems to be giving a lot of side-eye to his personal generosity—especially when the beneficiaries of that generosity are her family members.

Luckily for Will, one of our main skills is guessing why women are mad.

This week’s question

Will (who definitely isn’t a former prosecutor and current Senator for the state of California) asks…

My girlfriend and I are sort of fighting over money. When we first met, I had NOTHING. Like, sleeping-in-my-car nothing. But in the last three years my career miraculously rocketed into the stratosphere. I’m making SO MUCH MONEY. Meanwhile, her career has kind of plateaued. She’s working hard, but not getting ahead. Meanwhile I’m getting tired of winning.

But the real issue is she’s mad about how I spend my money. I don’t mean I waste it all. Nope, instead I’m making up for all the times friends helped me. Humble brag, but I’m ridiculously generous right now and I love it. I give friends gifts, pay for dinner, and tip big all the time. I’m sure this attitude will wear off eventually, but right now I’m just enjoying spoiling the people I love, INCLUDING MY GIRLFRIEND.

But recently when her sister said she couldn’t afford a $300 class to finish getting her social work degree, I just gave her the money. I was happy to do it: it would improve her life, the money was nothing to me, and I’m sure she’ll pay it forward. But my girlfriend was PISSED and I don’t quite understand what I did wrong. Can you do your feminist-to-dumb-guy translation here and help out ya boi?

– IRL Pal Will

Oh, we have theories. In fact, I’d say this whole episode is brought to you by “women’s intuition.” Which is a thing that has actual scientific basis! Yeah, man, it’s just like, soooooooo weird that people who are socialized from earliest infancy to pacify and accommodate others under implicit threat of physical violence get pretty good at reading the intentions of others… I wonder what kinds of exciting shit we already know that science will discover next!

Like our ~romantic~ advice? I mean, okay, here’s some more:

Thanks again to our generous Patreon donors for their support. Without it, this season simply would not be. If you want to join the ranks of Bitches Get Riches supporters (and get your name read aloud on an episode of the podcast) head on over to our Patreon!

S02E02: "I'm not ready to buy a house---but how do I *get ready* to get ready?"

Season 2, Episode 2: “I’m Not Ready to Buy a House—But How Do I *Get Ready* to Get Ready?”

Previously on season two of the Bitches Get Riches podcast…

We dealt with the existential guilt of crushing your personal finances while your friends struggle to get by. This time, though, we’re taking a question from the other end of the spectrum. What do you do, practically and mentally, when your very modest life goal feels like a financial impossibility?

Naturally, we had opinions. And not just because we are two loudmouthed internet white ladies who have never learned when to shut up!

This week’s question

An anonymous Tumblr follower asks…

Hi Bitches! I’m only twenty years old, so I know this is unrealistic, but my greatest wish in life is to own a teeny tiny cottage somewhere with a garden.

I don’t even care where in the world I have to live to make it happen. Like I said: unrealistic. I know that I probably won’t get my little cottage for a long time.

All the same, I know absolutely nothing about how to work towards that goal, so do you have any advice for a young aspiring homeowner? How does buying a house even work? Thank you!

Kitty and I had a very, very visceral reaction to this question, which you’ll hear in the episode. I’m not saying we decided to burn it all down and start the revolution because owning a small rural home with a garden should not fucking seem like an unattainable goal, but, well…

I digress. Here’s your homework:

A huge fucking thank you to our lovely patrons, who made season two of the podcast possible. The capeless heroes who are our Patreon donors get all kinds of extra BGR goodies, including grainy cellphone footage of us singing the “Elephant Love Medley” from Moulin Rouge. Well worth their hard-earned pennies, I’m sure they’d agree. Patreon donors can vote on article topics, pitch us questions directly, and get private answers from us directly in their inbox. Join us over at our Patreon page!

Podcast Season 2 Episode 1: "I'm financially stable, but my friends aren't. The guilt is crushing!"

Season 2, Episode 1: “I’m Financially Stable, but My Friends Aren’t. The Guilt Is Crushing!”

“We’re back” isn’t just a dinosaur’s story anymore. Or it is, but it includes these dinosaurs! (we said, gesturing at our own wrinkled selves).

That’s right, kids, the Bitches are back with season two of our podcast!

This week is all about friendly debate. What’s the line between the nearly extinct middle class and The Rich, Who Must Be Eaten? Who has the most responsibility for driving change? Most importantly, who does the better Ursula?

(We meant to settle this with our very loud and obnoxious Poor Unfortunate Souls-off, but I’m not sure a clear winner was established???)

This week’s question

An anonymous Tumblr follower asks…

Hi Bitches! You guys have been so helpful to me. I graduated last year with no student loans thanks to my parents, I got a job in that field with a pretty good salary for an entry level position, I’m contributing to my 401(k) and I’m close to paying off my credit cards. So that’s fantastic!

But as I’m looking at the near future of actually having a decent amount of money in the bank, emergency/retirement funds, living a bit more comfortably, I’ve started feeling really guilty.

Most of my friends come from a less fortunate background than me, whose parents aren’t able to be as generous, and also haven’t been as lucky with jobs. I feel like I have no business having money in the bank when people I care about are struggling. And then I feel ridiculous for complaining about a problem that boils down to “I have too much money.”

I’ve helped a couple of friends by covering a bill until they get their check, for example… but sometimes I overextend my budget by doing that, which obviously isn’t ideal. But I keep doing it because I feel awful that I have a safety net (with my parents) and they don’t!

I want to help my friends, but I also want to be financially stable myself. As money-savvy folks who are also very aware of the state of the economy, have you had any similar feelings? Do you have any advice?

Yes and yes, and plenty of ’em! Listen and let us know how this question made you feel.

A few suggestions for further reading…

Thanks as always to our generous patrons for their help creating another season of our podcast. Patreon donors get direct access to our nefarious and not-very-good-working minds. Donors can pitch us questions directly, and get private answers from us directly in their inbox. Join us over at our Patreon page!

"Should I believe the fear-mongering about another recession?"

Episode 12: “Should I Believe the Fear-Mongering about Another Recession?”



Today we conclude season one of the Bitches Get Riches podcast. Because twelve is a lovely number. So flexible, so inviting. Two digits, but still approachable. It’ll divide by two, three, four, six… you know. Whatever! Twelve goes with the flow. It’s pansexual, it works from home, and we stan it.

Season one was a labor of love. We scripted, recorded, and edited it ourselves. Piggy even wrote and recorded our opening song. (YES! That’s Piggy singing and self-harmonizing! Thank you for respecting her Rennaisance Personhood!) It was definitely the endeavor that pushed BGR from “time-intensive hobby” into “second full-time job” territory. Which is why we’re taking a short break. But we think it was worth it, and we hope you do too!

Our final question of season one comes from Patreon donor Madi (thank you, dearie!), who wants to know…

Today’s question

“Should I believe the fear-mongering about a possible recession?”

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Episode 11: "I feel cornered by a friend who keeps asking to borrow money."

Episode 11: “I Feel Cornered by a Friend Who Keeps Asking to Borrow Money.”



An anonymous reader has given a mouse a cookie—and now the mouse wants a glass of milk.

Except the mouse is a person, the cookie is money, and the milk is yet more money. Keep up, people!

This thorny dilemma comes from our Tumblr, which you should definitely check out! Piggy answers tons of questions for readers there, and posts lots of exclusive stuff you won’t find on the blog.

Today’s question

“How do I handle a friend whom I’ve lessened contact with because I’m afraid they’ll ask me for money?

“I let him borrow some when he moved into his new apartment and his roommate refused to actually pay rent or split utilities while my friend was crawling out of maxed credit cards. He paid me back but since then has asked more than once. I have five figures saved so I feel pressured to help out, but I want him to actually learn some lessons instead of coming to me for a loan.

“And as a followup: how can I know what is financially expected as you get older? I’m self-employed (internet work with hard depression) but all my friends have adult jobs. Yet they also all still have student loans and credit card debt. I paid off my student loans, no credit card debt, have 25k saved and just bought a house thanks to my techie significant other. I still have a broke mentality since my significant other has six figures saved. It’s hard to relate with my friends when there is such a mismatch of finances. We’re all in our mid twenties.”

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Podcast Episode 10: "I want a pedigreed dog. She wants a rescue mutt. It turned into a fight...and the fight got ugly."

Episode 10: “I Want a Pedigreed Dog. She Wants a Rescue Mutt. It Turned into a Fight… and the Fight Got Ugly.”



He wants a purebred dog. She wants a rescue mutt.

What started as a logistical discussion about getting a dog quickly became a heated, vicious fight about values and ethics.

Don’t you love those questions that seem to be about one thing, but betray a totally different, deeper problem? That’s definitely the case with today’s letter.

We could’ve recommended the obvious compromise: select a breed, then find a rescue organization that specializes in that breed! One quarter of all homeless dogs are purebreds, bro! Depending on the popularity and rarity of the breed, there may be a wait list. But if you’re patient, you can find one that fits both criteria.

… But, yeah, we didn’t even bother with that. Because it’s so incredibly obvious that the purebred dog versus shelter mutt question is the flashpoint for a deeper, more troubling issue. And it’s one we think merits a breakup.

Do you see the same thing we see?

Today’s question

“My girlfriend and I are in our mid twenties, and have been seeing each other for four years now. We moved in together last spring and things have been going well. I love this girl. She’s sweet, funny, interesting, pretty, and a little eccentric. She’s absolutely my dream girl and I can’t picture myself without her but we’ve been fighting for over a month and it’s been hard.

“At the end of May we decided to get a dog together. We’re both dog people, having grown up with them. Since my parents are close to a couple that breeds dogs, we’ve bought all three of our dogs from them. My girlfriend, on the other hand, had only one shelter pup

“When we first started talking about raising a dog together I asked her the standard ‘what kind of dog should we get?’ questions about what breed she preferred. And she scoffed at me and said it didn’t matter, because we would adopt a pet, not buy one. She said it like it was obvious and that I didn’t have a say otherwise. We got into an argument about the pros and cons of adopting or buying. And it just escalated from there.

“I’ll get to the point and say we both started taking it personally and said some things. I said that buying gives you better quality, and that you know what you get. She quite rudely said that if we’re paying for quality how come my family’s dogs have had health issues and died young, while her shelter dog lived to be seventeen. She said she looked down on people who’d rather pay thousands of dollars than save a life. We decided to cool down and give the discussion a rest.

“We both felt unfinished after that but let it go but then we started getting at each other for different lifestyle choices. Like how she wants to get married and have kids one day and how I’m not so sure what I want yet. And how in my family having a degree is important and to her it’s not. Sometimes we teased her about it since she only has a certificate but we never meant it rudely to her since she has a great job as a software engineer.

“She’s always been sort of indifferent to everything and said everyone has different values and the right to have different opinions should be respected. She eats meat, wears fur, buys non-organic, buys fast fashion, is non-religious, she’s fairly liberal but tends to criticize some social movements, which is all fine but my point is she’s never had a firm stance on anything. But it’s like I picked a fight about the one thing she feels strongly about and it’s been rough since then. I’m not sure what to do anymore and I need advice.”

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Podcast Episode 009: "I've Given Up On My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?"

Episode 009: “I’ve Given up on My Dream Career. Where Do I Go From Here?”



Today we answer a letter from Patreon Donor Julia, who feels lost after making a big change of direction in her life.

Today’s question

“I’m twenty-one years old and I was in college majoring in biology, but I was just miserable and had to leave. But all I ever wanted to do was science, and now I’m really struggling with what to do next. I was paying for classes as I went (as much as I could, anyway) so I only have one loan to pay off. But I just really don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’ve worked in retail and foodservice and I hated it. I’ve been applying to daycare centers because I like kids, but I haven’t heard back from any of them. Any advice you could give me on finding a direction would be very much appreciated.”

This question made our hearts heavy. We hate to see a twenty-one-year-old sounding so lost and resigned. Because twenty-one is so young! You’re an adult when you’re twenty-one, but like, it’s the toddler stage of adulthood. The world won’t always feel so intimidating and impenetrable.

Our Boomer parents would certainly tell her to fOlLoW hEr DrEaM, dAmN tHe CoNsEqUeNcEs. But obviously we have to bring a more nuanced answer than that.

Allow us to remind all of our young listeners that…

  • Cs are passing grades. They are enough. Let yourself step down off the hamster wheel of your own demanding expectations.
  • College curricula can be more challenging than the “real world” career you’re preparing you for.
  • Piggy and I graduated from college ten years ago, and in the last decade, the number of employers who have expressed a desire to know our letter grades in college is absolute zero—a thermodynamic state once thought to be merely theoretical! SCIENCE!
  • Some careers are challenging to pursue because they’re vanishingly rare and impossibly glamorous: professional video game player, A-list film actor, high-end vibrator tester, etc. But other careers are challenging to pursue because they require a lot of intelligence, persistence, and education: biologist, surgeon, high-end vibrator engineer. Shake the former, push the latter.
  • STEM fields will remain overwhelmingly male so long as women and nonbinary folks lack mentors and programs to help them through the doubt.
  • Sometimes you wanna quit because you know yourself, and you’ve made a mature and informed decision about what’s best for you. Other times you wanna quit because you’re scared of failure, or scared of success, or unsure how to move forward. You will spend a lot of your young adulthood learning to spot the difference between the two.
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Episode 009: MERRY BITCHMAS! The 2019 Star-Studded Holiday Spectacular

Bonus Episode: Merry Bitchmas! The 2019 Star-Studded Holiday Spectacular



Today’s podcast episode is brought to you by the reason for the season: Bitchmas. Second only to Candlenights in the pantheon of winter holidays, Bitchmas is a time to gather your loved ones, exchange hyperbolic gifts, and rally the troops for economic equality and social justice.

No questions shall be answered in the Bitchmas episode (except perhaps “What will these lunatics think up next?”), but we promise it’ll be worth it. We’ve got shout-outs to our patrons! Odes to the finest bitches in personal finance media! Gifts for all and sundry! And… a very special guest!

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