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6 Lessons YOU Can Learn from the Silicon Valley Bank Crash

March 14, 2023March 14, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 11 Comments

When news of the Silicon Valley Bank crash broke, I sighed deeply. Because sighing deeply is the age-appropriate version of a toddler pounding their fists on the floor screaming “I don’ wanna, I don’ wanna, I DON’ WANNA!” That’s always how I feel when I have to understand some complicated new brouhaha caused by oligarchs’ greed, when all I truly need in this life is more naptime.

Guys, don’t worry. Because I am a grown-up woman with finely tuned coping mechanisms, I worked through my tantrum and I did it! I understand what the hell happened to Silicon Valley Bank.

Paragon of intellectual generosity that I am, I’m going to explain it back to you.

If you want an in-depth, technical breakdown, this ain’t gonna be it. I’m going to focus on what this means for us plebs. That means skipping all the boring parts, creatively employing childish metaphors, recklessly speculating about its impact on the future of the economy, and oversimplifying absolutely everything.

Complex, dense financial topics explained by babies, for babies. That’s the Bitches Get Riches brand promise!

Here’s What to Do With Those Credit Card Pre-approval Offers You Get in the Mail

March 7, 2023March 2, 2023 Piggy 10 Comments

You check the mailbox. In between the ubiquitous Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon, snail mail from your Aunt Clarita, and a bill you’d rather ignore, you see it: you’ve been pre-approved for a brand new credit card!

Holy shitballs, what luck! Of all the random folks with mailing addresses, you have been deemed special enough to receive a credit card pre-approval offer! Bring out your finest meats and cheeses, for surely this means you are that most superior of beings: a person worthy of credit! Dance about the maypole and imbibe your most decadent libations!

You should call your bestie, your family, your therapist! Things are looking up now that a credit card company has bestowed upon you a pre-approval offer. Cancel your evening plans, for you need to respond to this with… an application? For… a credit card? For which you’re already… “approved”???

Something’s off. If you receive a credit card pre-approval offer in the mail, shouldn’t that mean you don’t need to apply for it? Especially since you didn’t even ask them to consider pre-approving you.

Today we’re going to teach you what those credit card pre-approval offers are really all about. And we’ll show you exactly what to do with them. It’s easy, it’s fast, and anyone can do it! Read on to learn The Deep Magicke.

Season 4, Episode 12: “I’m Considering Moving Across the Country With My Partner. How Hard Is It To Start Over?”

February 8, 2023October 8, 2023 Piggy Leave a comment

IT’S THE BITCHES GET RICHES PODCAST SEASON FINALE!

That’s right, Bitch Nation. Our twelve-episode season has come to an end and we’re so grateful you’ve stuck with us for it all. And if you haven’t, then you’re dead to us. We value loyalty very highly. Don’t tell us you’re getting your dick jokes about money somewhere else.

This is the episode in which we become the dating advice column we’ve always wanted to be. Enough with this pErSoNaL fInAnCe nonsense! Bring on the marital strife and daytime talk show material! We have strong opinions and we are RIGHT!

Our discussion this week is packed with harrowing financial and relationship decisions. How do you know when you’re ready to move in with a significant other? And what if that means moving 900 miles to a whole different community? How do you start from scratch in a brand new place, with no one but your romantic partner for company?

2023 Student Loan Forgiveness Update: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

February 2, 2023July 12, 2023 Piggy 1 Comment

Federal student loan forgiveness has been through a lot recently. She’s not looking pretty. She needs a massage. Her T-zone is breaking out. Which means this article does not reflect the current state of loan forgiveness. We’re leaving it up because we think it contains useful context. But if you want our most current news on student loan forgiveness, you can find it here.

Remember back in August of 2022 when we were all stoked to hear about the Biden Administration’s plan to forgive federal student loan debt? Yeah. Things have changed.

I’m here to update you on the status of federal student loan forgiveness. Shit’s complicated though, so if you didn’t read our FAQ about the program when it was first announced, you might want to get that background before reading any more. Go ahead, we’ll wait.

Now that you have the background, I’ll give you the latest on where federal student loan debt forgiveness stands, along with some guidance on what student loan borrowers can do from here. Spoiler alert: there’s Bitch-on-Bitch drama at the end.

Barbara Sloan’s New Book Dares To Suggest Service Industry Professionals Deserve Financial Stability Too

January 12, 2023January 12, 2023 Piggy Leave a comment

Last year at the EconoMe Conference in Cincinnati, Kitty and I were excited to meet many a cool human. Much to our general shock and consternation, many of those cool humans were excited to meet us too! And not just because we were like “Hi we’re friends with Paula Pant.”

This is where we met Barbara Sloan, founder of Tipped Finance. Barbara is a veteran of the tipped workforce: a former waitress, bartender, stripper, and several other tipped professions. More importantly, she’s also a huge money nerd. She has made it her mission to dispense financial know-how specifically tailored to service industry professionals! And she does it all with the fierce determination and tireless badassery we like to see in our women.

Season 4, Episode 8: “I’m Queer, and Want To Find an Affordable Place To Retire. How Do I Balance Safety With Cost of Living?”

January 10, 2023January 27, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 9 Comments

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: the cost of living is higher for gay people. And it’s not just because we buy $30 pairs of underwear. That is a stereotype, you bigot. Andrew Christian Trophy Boys are only $23 a pop.

(I originally had a gif here from an Andrew Christian marketing spot. I decided to omit it for the sake of anyone reading this at work. The arrestingly bouncy nature of the model’s package as he pelvic-thrusted across the screen was designed to catch a manager’s eyes from fifty paces. I will replace it with a seemingly work-related gif to facilitate more subtle on-the-clock browsing. See? I’m always looking out for you, beloved readers!)

Queer cost of living perfectly encapsulated in a gif. I'm telling you, it's scientifically impossible for a gif to resonate any more with the queer community than this one.

In our classic article Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances, we highlighted a few of the complex social and institutional structures that make it harder for queer people to accumulate wealth. But one thing we didn’t really touch on? Location, cost of living, and their outsize impact on queer people’s finances. But thanks to a letter from a righteously pissed-off Patreon donor, we’re diving into that today.

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Credit and Credit Cards

January 5, 2023July 31, 2023 Piggy Leave a comment

You didn’t want to watch a scary movie. But your friends at the 10th-grade sleepover insisted. “It’ll be fun!” they said. “Don’t be chicken!” they said.

Now you find yourself huddled under blankets on the couch in your best friend’s basement rec room giggling nervously over popcorn and hoping you won’t pee yourself at the first jump scare. Your friends shush each other as the movie starts.

Creepy music ushers in the opening scene. Lighting and thunder clash on the screen. With the lights turned off and you trembling with fear, the title of tonight’s horror movie flashes across the screen: Credit IV: It Comes for Us All.

Watching horror movie Credit IV: It Comes for Us All

One of the most common questions we get here at Bitch HQ is “… creeeediiiiit??????” And that’s not surprising! The system of credit reporting, credit scores, and credit cards is hella confusing. It’s also pretty fucking classist, racist, and ageist… by design. Heckin’ scary, man!

So to fulfill our mission of [checks notes] sticking it to The Man by democratizing financial acumen, we’ve written and said a ton on this topic. Here it all is: our primer to understanding and managing your credit so you can use it to get ahead… or at least prevent it from getting you down.

Season 4, Episode 7: “A Coworker Smells Bad. How Do I Address This Super Awkward Issue at Work?”

January 3, 2023January 3, 2023 Piggy Leave a comment

NEW MOM ALERT! NEW MOM ALERT! LAUNCH THE ALERT FIGHTERS!

That’s right, bitchlings. Your humble Bitches have a whole entire NEW MOM. Her name is Kathleen and we are devoted to being good daughters to her. We do that by delivering spicy, spicy nuggets of adulting wisdom, served up with a soupçon of rage against the machine and/or patriarchy. And in return, she bestows upon us the highest tier of our Patreon donations!

Mama Kathleen, we’re so grateful for you and your generous patronage. We hope to make you proud.

Now, on with the program!

This time we’re covering a case study we simply couldn’t resist. Namely: How do you handle extremely awkward interpersonal issues in the workplace? Do you stage an intervention? An Ocean’s 11-style heist? An elaborate play the likes of which would make Hamlet look decisive and direct by comparison? Do you change your name and leave the country???

Or is the answer “none of the above”?

Our solution (hopefully) will not surprise anyone.

Season 4, Episode 5: “401(k)s Aren’t Offered in My Industry. How Do I Save for Retirement if My Employer Won’t Help?”

December 14, 2022December 13, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 5 Comments

Today’s question asker works in the service industry, which means their job doesn’t offer retirement accounts like a 401(k), 403(b), or a pension. This is the case for lots of people! Although these tax-advantaged retirement accounts are a cornerstone of personal finance advice, they’re only offered by 14% of U.S. companies. If you work for yourself, part time, in a tips-based job, or for a very small employer, a 401(k) may not be an option for you.

Does this mean you should just give up on the idea of saving toward your retirement?

When your job doesn't offer retirement accounts, do you just GIVE UP on saving for your retirement? HAHAHA NO

Good news, bitches. You don’t need a traditional retirement account to save towards your retirement. The classic 401(k), 403(b), and pensions are not your only options! Good options for retirement savings exist for everyone, regardless of their industry or employment status. We’re going to tell you about them today.

Season 4, Episode 1: “Index Funds Include Unethical Companies. Can I Still Invest in Them, or Does That Make Me a Monster?”

November 15, 2022December 5, 2022 Piggy Leave a comment

Here it is. The moment you’ve all been waiting for. It’s time for… THE BITCHES GET RICHES PODCAST, SEASON 4!!!

Bitch Nation, we took a nice long hiatus between seasons while we jiggled some cords and perfected our format to bring you only the finest in podcastatory entertainment. And the premiere episode of season four has EVERYTHING… if by “everything” we mean the Bitches singing Hamilton show tunes, discussing the ethical practicalities of gun ownership, a minimum of 3-5 juvenile jokes related to poop and/or sex organs, and the terrible fake Wisconsin accents no one asked for.

Also… WE’RE ON YOUTUBE! That’s right, dear listeners/readers. This season you can consume the one and only Bitches Get Riches podcast in three ways: by listening on your favorite podcast streaming platform, scrolling down and reading the episode transcript, or by gazing in awe at our YouTube channel.