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Those motherfuckers always pay their debts.

3 Badass, Sexy, Totally Metal Reasons to Save $1,000

Here at Bitches Get Riches we soundly reject the notion that personal finance is a dry, boring, unsexy topic. In fact, nothing gets us metaphorically harder than a solid breakdown of modest, cautious techniques for growing personal wealth. Day drinking? More like day trading, AMIRITE?

And this is why we’ve set about to change some preconceived notions about all the wild and wondrous things you can do with a large chunk of money—let’s say $1,000 for the purposes of this article. Not quite enough to drastically change the life of the average person, but definitely enough to have some fun.

With $1k you could go to Cuba for a few days (seriously y’all, flights are dirt cheap right now). You could revamp your wardrobe! You could buy a brand new PS4 and a flat screen TV on which to play it! You and your dog could have a spa day!*

But we’re here to urge you to take a different approach. Don’t waste that $1k on basic bitchiness like a new wardrobe, a trip abroad, or canine mani pedis. At least not before you’ve cut your teeth on these badass, sexiful, metal af ways to really make $1k worth saving for.

Pay down your debt

Which is the most metal house in Game of Thrones? Which house has zero fucks to give and the solid golden balls with which to not give them? The Lannisters, of course. And those motherfuckers always pay their debts.

Don’t be a noble but eminently killable Stark just waiting around to collect on that debt. That’ll drive you right into an early grave. Don’t be a trusting, disposable Tully making deals that just sink you further into a life-threatening deficit.

No. Be the debt-payer. Use that $1k to make your creditors rue the day they crossed paths with a lion. Make them hear you roar… and collect slightly less interest than they would if you paid your loans back on schedule instead of early.

Start an emergency fund

You know what all badass motherfuckers have in common? No, not conventional good looks and the uncanny ability to spout off witticisms in the face of certain death (though they’ve got that to). They’re prepared. Ready for anything. Able to cope with mayhem and excitement at a moment’s notice!

Being prepared means you’re ready to tackle major emergencies as they come at you without breaking a sweat. And to do that, you need funding. An emergency fund, if you will.

Does James Bond stop in the middle of a shoot-out to wonder if he should conserve bullets due to budgetary constraints back at MI6? No. No he does not. He mows down enemy operatives with deadly precision and the lack of hesitation that comes from knowing that a firefight is a goddamn emergency, one he has carefully saved for just in case.

This is the face of a man who is not concerned about how to pay for a fender bender.

So be like James fucking Bond and use that $1k to start an emergency fund. Because you never know when you’ll need it to stop a terrorist plot to blow up Parliament or steal the crown jewels or whatever.

Contribute to an IRA

The thing that no one tells you about IRAs is they are sexy as fuck. Nothing says “I am a mature, independent person who is taking charge of my own future and I don’t need anybody’s permission or approval to do it” like an Individual Retirement Account.

And lucky for you, you sexy budgeting beast, the minimum requirement for starting most IRAs is $1,000.

Nothing goes with a classic LBD like compounding interest, and that’s exactly what you’ll get if you stick your $1k in a Roth or Traditional IRA. Boys be like “Do she got a fat retirement account?”

So skip the “NO REGRETS” tattoo and the undercut and save that money for something that’ll really turn heads: the presence, the poise, the fuckability of one who is accruing wealth at about the same rate as inflation.

 

*Forget everything I said. This is clearly the best use for your money.

5 thoughts to “3 Badass, Sexy, Totally Metal Reasons to Save $1,000”

  1. A few years ago my wife and I determined what we would do with any “extra” money that we come across like this and having that firm plan has saved a ton of effort, discussion and worry. Now every time we get a chunk of change, like a work bonus or tax return, I simply go through the motions without having to put much effort into it.

    The break down?
    10% donated as tithing to our church
    45% goes straight to Vanguard (either VTSAX or VFIAX)
    45% goes to our mortgage principle

    Simply and easy. Plus it takes care of all 3 pillars of personal finance: investing, paying down debt, and giving back.

  2. I actually read some advice that sounded decent in an article somewhere not too long ago. They called it the rule of thirds: with every windfall (bonus, tax refund, lottery winnings, whatever), you save one-third, use one-third to put toward bills, and the final one-third to spend however you choose (wants or needs). It balances being responsible (paying bills) with being prepared (saving) without feeling deprived (wants/needs).

    1. This advice is so deliciously practical. It takes human nature into account rather than being too restricting to reasonably follow without leading to an unwise splurge down the line!

      1. I’m glad you liked it! Seriously, when I read it, I thought to myself, “Ya know, I bet the Bitches could get behind this.”

        I’ve been following you gals for awhile, but sadly unable to contribute to your Patreon (paying bills with 3 kids to support ain’t cheap). I especially love the gif usage to emphasize your points and the various references to shit I love! Ravenclaw primary/Gryffindor secondary signing off!

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