How to File Your Taxes FOR FREE in 2024: Simple Instructions for the Stressed-out Taxpayer

Listen up, babies. We’ve been dancing around the issue of taxes for a while now, and it’s time we got to it. Yes, we’ve explained the importance of taxes as a fee for membership in civilization. We’ve told you why you should file your taxes ASAP. And we’ve even told you about that time the IRS audited me!

It’s time to face the beast head-on. It is our sacred duty, as your duly appointed Bitches, to take you through this unpleasantness step by step.

Yea, though you walk through the valley of the shadow of income tax, you shall fear no audits; for We art with you; Our gifs and Our snark they comfort you.

-The Book of the Bitches, 3:7-9
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Punch Burnout Right in Its Stupid Face With Our New Burnout Workshop

In recent years your humble Bitches have been hired to give a few live, in-person speeches and workshops. We always ask the organizers to set a topic (since as you know, we can talk for hours on everything from our chickens to how everyone in the world can be categorized as either a Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard or a Dr. Richard Kimble from the 1993 classic The Fugitive). And we give our spin on whatever they suggest.

Then something interesting happened. During our closing Q&A sessions, no matter what the topic of our presentation was, the conversation with our audience would turn towards the same issue.

That issue was burnout.

Our call to action

Now, we already knew that burnout is a widespread issue. After all, we live on this planet. We’ve delved into the topic quite a bit over the years.

But seeing the pain in people’s eyes and hearing the desperation in their voices was a whole new level of fuckery. Awareness dawned on us that burnout is, for many people, a life-swallowing emergency faced without help, support, or even basic human compassion. These poor people are like sailors lost at sea. They use all of their strength to just keep floating for another moment. They’re too exhausted and depleted to swim for land, even if we told them where it was and how to get there. Our voices were reaching them far too late.

We’ve always felt it was our mission to help people. So when we saw for ourselves how many talented, bright, good-hearted people burnout was grinding into a fine powder, our new goal became clear.

And then we got to work.

Us writing the Burnout Workshop, fueled by divine inspiration.

Now, at long last, we’re unveiling the fruits of our labor.

The Burnout Workshop, presented by Bitches Get Riches and written by us, is complete. Unlike in the past, you don’t have to attend an in-person event to hear it. It’s available to everyone, everywhere—and you can take it right now.

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The best way to pay off credit card debt

How To Pay off Credit Card Debt: From the Snowball to the Avalanche Method

The Harvard Business Review has published a story on “the best strategy for paying off credit card debt.” The research, originally published in the Journal of Consumer Research by Keri L. Kettle et. al. benefits the millions of Americans who are literally $1.13 trillion in collective credit card debt according to the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. Those trapped in the cycle of debt could truly benefit from a solution, so it’s worthwhile research.

The researchers (hereafter Kettle & Co.) tested a couple different methods for credit card debt reduction:

  1. Dispersing payments equally across multiple credit cards each month.
  2. Concentrating as high a payment as possible on one account at a time.

Their results were definitive and monumental! Truly a groundbreaking study! At last we know the one true way and light of how to pay off credit card debt!

I jest, of course. Because—say it with me now!—personal finance is personal. If there were one singular, perfect solution to credit card debt, everyone would use it and it wouldn’t be the question that launched a thousand personal finance influencers.

Today I want to break down a few of the different methods that work for paying down credit card debt. I’ll cover Kettle & Co.’s findings, some conventional wisdom from those who have survived debt, and one of the most hated, obnoxious, and ethically questionable men in personal finance media.

For verily, I say unto thee: Even a broken clock is right twice each day.

-The Book of the Bitches, Chapter III, verses 5-6
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We’re in a New Bull Market! Should You Give One Single Fuck?

While out at dinner last week, a friend turned to me and said, “I heard some positive news about the economy and a new bull market today. Yet it seems like nothing has changed for the better with the finances of most people I know. My sister in money nerdery… what, pray tell, the fuck?”

What the fuck indeed!

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, more Americans than ever are struggling to pay their household bills. Housing is currently unaffordable for half of American renters, a record high as reported by the Joint Center for Housing Studies at Harvard University. And analysis from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Lewis shows that Americans’ financial stress due to credit card debt has reached levels not seen since the Great Recession of 2008-2009.

Yet despite all of these extremely fucking dire stats, there’s apparently reason to celebrate! For we have entered a new bull market! That’s way more important to the economy than [checks notes] rising eviction rates and a massive baby formula shortage, right? Right?

… right?

Hello, class inequality, my old friend. It’s time we got super bummed about you again.

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How Saving Money Is Like Losing Weight… And How It’s Really Not

In 2024, the second most common New Year’s Resolution is to save money.

The first most common? To lose weight.

Dear readers, I have made both of these resolutions. I slogged through months of dieting—both of spending and of eating—dragging my goals and expectations behind me. And I emerged from the experience wiser, richer… and the exact same weight.

How I felt after dieting for both my weight and my money.

That’s right. Today we’re talking about dieting.

Controlling one’s body and controlling one’s finances are often brought up in the same breath. And I think it’s useful to talk about the ways in which they’re similar—but also so very different!

For the purposes of this article, I’m going to define a diet as a temporary change of exercise and eating habits for the purposes of changing your body shape and weight. Temporarily cutting out all carbohydrates counts as a diet, as does implementing a points system a la the WeightWatchers diet. But we wouldn’t include, say, omitting gluten because you have Celiac disease. Having a diet dieting.

If that’s not your jam… blame our Patreon supporters! Those gorgeous, charitable, artistically gifted people specifically chose today’s topic. And as they literally pay the bills around here, I’m going to lay my heart (and my cellulite) bare according to their whims.

Today’s topic includes discussions of dieting, weight, fatphobia, and eating disorders. I’m going to use the word “fat” a lot because we believe in reclaiming it as a neutral description so that it loses its power to demean and insult. If you’d rather not read this post, it’s okay. I promise I still love you.

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You Need to Talk to Your Parents About Their Retirement Plan

You Need to Talk to Your Parents About Their Retirement Plan

I don’t give a flying nun about inheriting money when my parents eventually buy the farm. As far as I’m concerned, it’s their hard-earned dough. They should use every blessed penny to enjoy their retirement and live comfortably until the day they die.

In fact, I truly hope they do!

They can give me a much greater gift instead of an inheritance: the knowledge that their retirement and passing won’t be a financial burden on me.

Knowing that my parents have a solid retirement plan will grant me enormous peace of mind. I can’t imagine a more generous gift than the ability to enjoy our last years together without worrying about how to pay for their care. I want to compete with my mom at nightly Jeopardy! when she’s shrunken and toothless, not take a second job to keep her TV on! (Note: There would be no competition. My mother is a ruthless, cutthroat home Jeopardy! contender. Fools and kings have fallen before her. She’s banned from pub trivia in three states.)

A solid retirement plan for my parents will also allow me to focus on growing my own wealth. That way, when I get to the age where I’m allowed to be embarrassingly blunt in public, I won’t be dragging down the finances of my younger relatives.

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The Best Personal Finance Books of the Year, According to Our Very Exacting Standards

Ah, the liminal space between Christmas and New Year’s Day. Time to eat snacks, play video games, and read some books!

While we can’t feed you delectable morsels directly from our freshly manicured fingertips, nor beat Margit the Fell Omen in Elden Ring for you, we can help with the third one. For we Bitches are avid readers! Every year we scour the shelves for excellent books on money, glean their wisdom, and pass on the best ones to you.

Without further ado, here it is: The Bitches Get Riches guide to the best personal finance books of the year.

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Would You Rather Owe Taxes or Get a Tax Refund This April? The Answer Might Surprise You!

Gird your loins, everyone! Tax season is almost upon us.

International readers, today you are dismissed. Go prance off to enjoy your state-sponsored healthcare or hold a wealthy politician accountable for their actions. Or, if you enjoy being baffled and horrified by uniquely American shitfuckery, stick around! Because nothing will make you more grateful to live in Denmark, Canada, or Namibia than the tax laws of the United States.

A few years ago I asked Lauren this question: “When it comes time to file your taxes, would you rather receive a tax refund or owe taxes to the government?”

“Get a tax return. No question,” she answered.

Which surprised me! Because as far as I was concerned, I’d much rather owe taxes than get a tax refund. I told her as much, to which she said “Just wait until your income increases. You’ll change your mind real quick the first time you get a five-figure tax bill.”

So what was that all about? Which Bitch had the right answer? Is there a “right” answer?

Today I want to go over a little-known quirk of the tax system, one that affects taxpayers from all across the income spectrum. And in the end, I’ll go over what you can do about it to save yourself the most money in the coming tax season.

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It’s Not Your Imagination—Secondhand Stuff IS More Expensive Than Ever

Have you noticed that secondhand stuff is more expensive than it used to be? Because I absolutely have!

Since I retired, I’ve been on a bit of a secondhand shopping spree. You see, I inherited almost all of my current furniture. I acquired it randomly from old roommates, friends moving across the country, my grandparents’ downsizing, and the legendary Allston Christmas. Now that work isn’t gobbling up my best hours, I finally have the bandwidth to upgrade these pieces. That rickety side table I found on the side of the road can now be transformed, Cinderella-like, into a charming antique that some sucker let go of for $50!

… Yet I’ve noticed something disturbing. The suckers have grown few and far between.

Dummies selling solid oak headboards they found in Grandma’s attic for a sawbuck are like fireflies. I remember vast clouds of them in my childhood… but now, I’m thrilled if I see a dozen in a season. Where have they gone?

Today, I’m explaining my hypothesis for why secondhand stuff is more expensive than it used to be. I see a variety of factors that have far-reaching impacts on everything we buy and sell. We love noticing inflection points when traditional personal finance wisdom shifts from the “useful” column to the “ok thanks Grandpa” column—and this is definitely one of those moments. Let’s explore the answer together!

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The Ultimate Guide to Growing Your Salary

We’re Millennials. Which means we graduated from college in 2009, just in time for the Great Recession to really fuck with our job prospects and salary levels. Nevertheless, we persisted, managing to carve careers out of the bleak post-recession landscape, a feat that eventually led to us being amateur career advice-givers right here on the internet!

I lead with all this because circumstances are feeling… familiar. The COVID-19 pandemic has hammered Gen Z especially, just as they’re starting their careers and building independent lives. And no matter your age, the pandemic took a toll on a lot of folks’ livelihoods. They’re facing challenges like what we experienced, and we hate it. So our time has come! Learn from your slightly-elders, younglings!

Graduating in a recession leads to earnings losses of about 9% compared to those who graduate in balmier financial climates. The pay gap takes a full decade to become statistically insignificant. For the average worker, that amounts to five grand in a single year. The lost opportunities to invest some of that income—as well as the recession-graduate’s stymied options for other jobs—creates a staggering wealth gap.

Worst of all, it’s completely fucking unfair, because those affected were kids when this hot mess was cooked up, yet still the ones who have to eat it. You have every right to be salty about that.

So here’s what we suggest you do to get yourself back up to the level you deserve.

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