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About the Bitches

What is Bitches Get Riches?

Think of Bitches Get Riches as a beautiful test tube baby. The ovum was harvested from the life experience of two optimistic, financially solvent, twenty-something feminist killjoys. The sperm was the writhing mass of bullshit shot straight out of the blighted ball sack that was the Great Recession. Though not our first choice of donor, we are raising this baby with all the dedication and ferocity of Lisa Banes’s character in the classic Lifetime thriller Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?

Who are Kitty and Piggy?

Some people wonder which of us is the Bebop, and which one’s the Rocksteady. But that question is an illusion. We are both Krangs.

Meet Kitty

Meyers-Briggs: ENTJ
Hogwarts House: Slytherin primary, Gryffindor secondary
Areas of Expertise: Sailor Moon, how great horses are
Personal Heroes: Malcolm X, Samuel Gerard, Rigor Morris
Career Goal: Hateful old crone

Kitty was born in the American Midwest, but was voted off in season seventeen. Her wan complexion, intellectual elitism, and gay haircut are all way more welcome in New England, so she lives there now. She shares her life with her partner and twelve pets because she does. not. do. half. measures.

Going to an expensive-ass private art school awakened her interest in personal finance (suddenly becoming broke and unemployed will do that). She’s worked in corporate America for as many years as those suckers were willing to give her a computer and a paycheck. When caught spacing out in a meeting, she likes to say “But will it scale?” and it works every time. No one suspects a thing.

Her intensity and her laziness are turnt to eleven. All other attributes are like, y’know, threes. She wants to retire early because she just doesn’t want any more goddamned emails. Her big retirement plan is to live in the woods and do grandma things: read, garden, dote on pets, bake bread, not know who musicians are, back into trees…

Ice Breaker Trivia: Kitty suffers from a rare genetic variation that makes her immune to the effects of marijuana, and would really appreciate it if someone started a Go Fund Me in recognition of her strife.

Meet Piggy

Meyers-Briggs: INTJ
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw primary, Hufflepuff secondary
Areas of Expertise: Zombies, female singer-songwriters of the 1990s, every imaginable use for parmesan cheese
Personal Heroes: Gloria Steinem, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Leslie Knope
Career Goal: Swamp witch

Since the day she was born, Piggy has lived by the words, “No me digas qué hacer, tú no eras mi mamá!” The daughter of two army veterans, she settled in a rural New England town at age ten and decided that’s where she would “be from.” She now lives with her spouse, The Worst Dog, and a rotating cast of refugees from the Island of Misfit Toys somewhere Out West.

Piggy has devoted her entire education and career (completely against the advice of much wiser people) to the craft and business of book publishing. Almost a decade in, she’s now the sloppily drunk lifer at industry mixers advising all the interns and editorial assistants to learn how to code before it’s too late, then waxing poetic through ugly tears about the beauty of literature. But mostly she just enjoys rejecting manuscripts. And lording her secret knowledge of dangling participles over the rest of you plebeians.

The granddaughter of Italian immigrants, she is a natural born nurturer. She will yell at you if you’re not taking good care of yourself and eating enough. Her secret ambition is to become a freelance firer of bad bosses. She enjoys gardening, running, obsessing over science fiction, and playing Chris Dane Owens’s “Shine On Me” on the guitar.

Ice Breaker Trivia: Piggy read the Harry Potter books for the first time at age twenty-three, because when the books came out she was in her popular-things-suck prepubescent contrarian phase and refused to read them. This was the biggest miscalculation of her life and she is very sorry.

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