Category: Uncategorized

What's a severance package? And should I always accept it?

What’s a Severance Package? And Should I Always Accept It?

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 4 Comments

Our Patreon donors get to vote on what we write about, and in their infinite wisdom, they selected the topic of severance packages.

I wish I could pepper this with lots of puns on Severance, the show. But I can’t, because I’m not watching it. Sorry, Severance stans—it’s not personal! I refuse to participate in any more mystery box media until it’s concluded AND the conclusion is well received by its fans. It’s for my own protection. The mystery box train usually only goes to two destinations: Cancellation City, or the Incorporated Township of Wasting My Time. I will no longer let myself scrounge for crumbs of satisfaction in a show-runner’s AMA responses as part of the ten-year retrospective. Call me when it’s over and the last season netted an 8.0 average or better on IMDB, Ben Stiller!

Let’s hang the concept of severance packages on a classic good news, bad news framework!

The bad news? You’ve been laid off. Y’know, dismissed? Let go? Made redundant? Fired—out of a cannon, straight into the sun? No matter the euphemism, the result is the same. The kingdom has shut its gates to you, and your descendants will be cursed to toil in the wilderness, filling their bellies with dust.

The good news? You might have an extra paycheck or two coming your way.

Around 25% of employers offer severance pay, making it neither common nor uncommon. It’s a benefit that’s typically reserved for white collar employees, or those who work specifically on the corporate side of major retailers and service providers. And if you think that sounds classist—good! It is! You’ve been paying attention!

If you already know your industry/field/role doesn’t offer this perk, or if you’re not employed right now, you may take this period as an open study hall.

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MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Buying Stuff for Cheap

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 2 Comments

Friends, we’ve written a lot about consumerism and buying stuff recently. From our five secrets of secondhand shopping to our epic grocery store price comparison investigation… we’ve really belabored the subject.

And who could blame us? With inflation, price-gouging, planned obsolescence, and tariffs making everything from basic necessities to tech more expensive, shopping has been a huge part of our personal finance calculations recently.

But we need to move on. The people demand a robust and variegated content schedule from your humble Bitches! So here is the master list of everything we’ve written on how to buy stuff—frugally, ethically, and with more sense than god gave a grapefruit.

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Season 5, Episode 1: “Why Save for Retirement When the World Is on Fire?”

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 9 Comments

More than a few readers have asked us a variation of this question: “why save for retirement when the world is on fire?” In fact, they’ve asked often enough that we decided to dust off the ol’ podcast and address the doomerism head-on.

We try to keep things light around here. Or rather, we try to lighten up the dark times with a liberal application of 90s pop culture gifs and dick jokes.* For the most part, we’re successful! If we can give you a sensible chuckle or a hearty snort-laugh while you’re reading about the racism and classism inherent in the credit scoring industry, then we consider it a job well done.

Why Save for Retirement When the World Is on Fire?

But there’s no denying that right now… shit’s bleak.

A handful of our followers have therefore asked us some variation on a concerning theme: If everything’s going to hell in a hand basket, why should I even bother saving for a future retirement that won’t exist?

Like I said: bleak.

We’re happy to have an opportunity to show off our rarely-glimpsed optimistic sides. These times are unprecedented—but they’re also super precedented. History is brimming with excellent guides for surviving turbulent times, and we can learn from them how to brace ourselves and protect what’s important. It’s a conversation worth tuning in for, even if you’re feeling more hopeful about the future.

*Bitches Get Riches: It’s not just dick jokes about money… it’s also money jokes about dicks!

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Cosmic Truths of Cheap Grocery Shopping: 12 Universal Rules to Save Money on All Food, Everywhere

Cosmic Truths of Cheap Grocery Shopping: 12 Universal Rules to Save Money on Food, No Matter What You Buy or Where You Shop

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 32 Comments

Hi, it’s me: the crazy person who made a 2+ hour-long video reviewing grocery stores!

Did you think I was done? Never! I’m the Saiyan warrior of personal finance writers. If a topic brings me to the brink of total annihilation, it only makes me more powerful. The positive response to that video was the senzu bean I needed to bounce back with even more cheap grocery shopping wisdom. To our new readers: welcome. To our new Patreon donors: thank you.

Many readers lamented that they live far away from the stores featured in my investigation. With them in mind, I challenged myself to come up with some really juicy, delicious advice that could apply to everyone who shops for food. And I think I’ve managed to do just that.

Today’s advice is universal. These are *cosmic truths* about grocery shopping. They will save you money on food, no matter what you buy or where you shop. If rising food prices are a source of stress in your life—as they are in mine!—I promise you’ll learn something helpful.

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Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Consume Ethically AND Frugally Under the Trump Tariffs?”

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 9 Comments

Back in the Before Times, we published an article titled Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less. Since then, times have, uh… changed! Because tariffs!

And while much of our advice on ethical consumption still holds true, today I’m going to be revisiting that advice. My goal is to shine a light on how we should all approach shopping during The Stupidest Trade War while still maintaining our morals and savings rates.

We really know how to have fun here, don’t we?

Let’s kick things off with a question from a follower called Blossom:

Hi Auntie Bitches! I have a question regarding an impasse of ethics and finances, so of course I figured you’d be the experts!

I live in the USA, and absolutely hate the direction things are headed in. I’m inspired by hearing that Canada and a ton of countries in Europe are boycotting absolutely everything American made. This is genius because the only way to hurt the greedy pricks at the top is to hurt their bottom lines.

I really want to join in and buy as few goods that are made in the states as possible. However, I also live here and my household budget is already pretty tight. With this ridiculous trade war going on, imported goods will become even more costly.

I’m stuck between a possibly unlivable budget if fully switching to goods that aren’t made here; or being a tad more financially sound but forced to feed the fascism machine by using American goods.

Please, I’d love some advice on how to navigate this?

– Blossom, alert citizen of Bitch Nation

Blossom is clearly paying attention. We couldn’t be more proud of them for considering activism in the face of personal hardship. We should all be more like Blossom.

But I think there’s a fundamental flaw in how they’re approaching the problem. Nevertheless, I think we can come to a solution that does the least amount of harm to Blossom’s bottom line… while still supporting the changes they want to see. Let’s unpack that!

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To Hell and Back for Cheap Groceries

To Hell and Back for Cheap Groceries: The Epic Investigation (and Shocking Results) of My Grocery Store Price Comparison Quest

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 82 Comments

Today, I’m talking about grocery store prices.

I chose this topic because I’m worried. Terrible times are ahead. We’ve been writing a lot about politics—and we’ll keep doing so—but it can feel like scream-preaching to the void-choir. We’ve been wracking our brains to come up with nourishing, material strategies to help our followers through the lean times ahead.

Right now, all I want is to give you guys an easy win. If I could use my time and talents to help you folks save $20 a month, I’d be good with that. Groceries are something we all must buy in order to live. So I opened a small investigation comparing prices at a few local grocery stores.

My “small investigation” became the most time- and labor-intensive topic I’ve ever covered for Bitches Get Riches.

This investigation hauled me bodily to the summit of my abilities, then cast me down the mountainside of my own ambition into a boiling, stinking chasm of magmatic insanity.

Do you want to save $20 a month? I’m positive I can help you do it. But there’s a price to be paid. You’ll have to come with me on a journey. A journey from the worst grocery stores in America, all the way to the best.

Casual visitors, turn back! You don’t need to notice deceptive unit pricing at our nation’s largest budget retailers! You can spend your whole life not caring about the product-to-price ratio of frozen pizzas! Swallow the blue pill and sleep forever in ignorant bliss. I don’t judge you; I envy you.

But if you really want to save money on groceries, take a deep breath. Take my hand. Trust me.

We’re going to hell and back for cheap groceries.

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I Took 40 Days of Vacation Time in 2024 and I Feel No Remorse

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 10 Comments

How many vacation days did you take this year? How many does your employer allow you to take? Did you work through illness and burnout because you didn’t have enough paid time off to rest and recuperate? Did you skip meaningful events with your family? When was the last time you took an actual vacation from your job?

Today we’re talking about vacation time, or paid time off (PTO). It’s the bitter controversy that launched a thousand memes about the difference between Europe and the United States.

In the past, I’ve worked for employers that offered anywhere from 6 to 10 vacation days per year. I’ve worked for companies that allow you to take comp time (i.e., if you work on a weekend day, you may add that day to your total PTO). Currently, I work for a company that “doesn’t have a vacation policy.” Other employers call this “unlimited PTO.” In practice, this means that I can take as many days off as I see fit, so long as I get my work done.

With that generous vacation time policy, you might be wondering how much time I took off this year. Welp…

I took 8 fucking work weeks of vacation time this year. That’s 40 whole days.

And I feel absolutely no remorse. In fact, I feel giddy. I feel like celebrating! Let’s unpack that!

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How To Protect Yourself Against Project 2025

Jess Fickett ("Piggy") 25 Comments

Well here we are, fam. The 2024 presidential election has happened and the outcome was not great.

We took some time to be angry. To be scared. To grieve. We checked in on our community and practiced some highly necessary self-care. Then we spent several cathartic hours scrolling through r/LeopardsAteMyFace. We hope you did too.

Now we’re ready for the next step. For we have chosen to stay and fight. Part of that means embracing our calling as your beloved yet humble Bitches—your opinionated internet aunties—by sharing ideas on how we can prepare to weather the coming storm.

It might not be much of a storm! Could be anywhere from a little light rain to a Category 5 hurricane. But it’s our belief that you should prepare for the worst in such a way that even in the best case scenario, you’ll still end up better off.

This guide includes some instructions specific to a second Trump administration (three words I gag even writing). But some of it is just good practice no matter what happens.

What are we preparing for?

The Trump administration—including his billionaire buddies, cartoonishly villainous advisors, and all the grifters and sycophants in between—has all kinds of goals. Part of this plan is Project 2025, a policy wishlist funded by the Heritage Foundation and written by 140 former (and in some cases, future) Trump staffers (among others). Think of the Heritage Foundation as a real-life, conservative “deep state” with even deeper pockets, helmed by all the extremist nutjobs driving the Right Wing’s most regressive ideas since the Reagan administration.

There’s a lot of cooks in this oppressive kitchen. So for the purposes of this guide, we’re going to use “Project 2025” as an umbrella term for the policy agenda of the Trump administration and broader conservative party.

Change will not come at a consistent pace. We won’t enter The Darkest Timeline overnight, or maybe even at all! And there’s not even a guarantee that all the worst aspects of Project 2025 will come to pass. With any luck, this corrupt administration of toadies, conspiracy theorists, and inept, entitled conmen will get in its own way enough that they make zero progress towards their nightmarish goals!

But we can’t bank on that. Which is why we recommend the following steps before they start checking off items on the Project 2025 to-do list. Shoot for the moon of Suckitude! Even if we don’t reach it, you’ll land lightly among the stars of Things Are Slightly Worse Now.

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Are Your Political Campaign Donations Worth It?

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 19 Comments

Something tells me that many of our readers are contemplating political campaign donations right about now. Don’t ask me how I know this. Because I really couldn’t say!

Maybe it’s just my woman’s intuition! Which is definitely not a conditioned hypersensitivity to threatening nonverbal communication under the patriarchy, but cool evolution magic that heightens with my ~*fertility cycle!*~

I'd make more political campaign donations if it was down to Keanu Reeves vs The Devil.

(Wait, is this really my first time using a Devil’s Advocate gif? How can this be, when I have a passionate lifelong obsession with this high camp masterpiece?! Okay, okay… if Kamala Harris wins in 2024, I will remake Bitches Get Riches into a Devil’s Advocate fan blog. And if Donald Trump wins, I will remake Bitches Get Riches into a Devil’s Advocate fan blog. Either way, it will be called A Billion Eddie Barzoons All Jogging Into the Future dot Blogspot dot com.)*

I know we say “the stakes have never been higher” every single election year, but it keeps feeling accurate. Our readers are passionate about the issues and they want to know: does donating to political campaigns actually work? Can it make a candidate more likely to win? Is it worth the sacrifice, if money is already tight?

We’ll do our best to give you some objective perspective! Hoo-ah!

Non-U.S. readers: This advice is framed through my American perspective, but I think the broader take is valuable for anyone who lives in a voting democracy. I would love to get a few international perspectives in the comments!

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New Content, New Schedule, and a New Podcast Format for the Bitches

New Content, New Schedule, and a New Podcast Format for the Bitches

Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 8 Comments

Hi everyone! It’s been a long time since we gave you an update on what’s happening behind the scenes at Bitches Get Riches. Probably because…

  1. We assume you kinda don’t care.
  2. We avoid talking about our plans publicly, because our follow-through often sucks, and we prefer not to be held accountable for that.
FINE, I will publicly commit to a new podcast format. Is my self-effacing too honest? Check yes or no. [ ] Yes [ ] No

That said, we’ve made some big decisions we think you’ll want to hear about! We’re switching up our content schedule AND rolling out a new podcast format. We’re doing this because we want to make our work as valuable and accessible as we possibly can. So let me take you through what’s changing!

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