You and your motley team of thieves have infiltrated the highly secured and top-secret Retirement Archives. You’ve made it past the trained guard dogs, the snipers, the laser grid, the biometric scanners. And now, you’re in position to steal the most valuable knowledge of all: how to save and invest to retire some day in dignity and comfort.
Retiring: it’s not just for The Olds anymore!
Over the years we’ve written about how to set yourself up to retire while you’re young, how to stick with a retirement plan during your working years, and even how to achieve FIRE (that’s “financial independence, retire early,” a forced acronym if ever there was one). Here is the sum of our retirement advice, gathered together for intellectual cramming purposes.
How to start saving for retirement
- Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One?
- Procrastinating on Opening a Retirement Account? Here’s 3 Ways That’ll Fuck You Over.
- Season 4, Episode 5: “401(k)s Aren’t Offered in My Industry. How Do I Save for Retirement if My Employer Won’t Help?”
- How To Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year
- Workplace Benefits and Other Cool Side Effects of Employment
- Your School or Workplace Benefits Might Include Cool Free Stuff
- Do NOT Make This Disastrous Beginner Mistake With Your Retirement Funds
- The Financial Order of Operations: 10 Great Money Choices for Every Stage of Life
Advanced retirement moves
- How to Painlessly Run the Gauntlet of a 401k Rollover
- The Resignation Checklist: 25 Sneaky Ways To Bleed Your Employer Dry Before Quitting
- Ask the Bitches: “Can I Quit With Unvested Funds? Or Am I Walking Away From Too Much Money?”
- You Need to Talk to Your Parents About Their Retirement Plan
- Season 4, Episode 8: “I’m Queer, and Want To Find an Affordable Place To Retire. How Do I Balance Safety With Cost of Living?”
- How Dafuq Do Couples Share Their Money?
- Ask the Bitches: “Do Women Need Different Financial Advice Than Men?”
- From HYSAs to CDs, Here’s How to Level Up Your Financial Savings
- Season 3, Episode 7: “I’m Finished With the Basic Shit. What Are the Advanced Financial Steps That Only Rich People Know?”
Speaking of advanced money moves, make sure you’re not funneling money to The Man through unnecessary account fees. Roll over your old retirement accounts FO’ FREE with our partner Capitalize:
Investing for the long term
- When Money in the Bank Is a Bad Thing: Understanding Inflation and Depreciation
- Investing Deathmatch: Investing in the Stock Market vs. Just… Not
- Investing Deathmatch: Traditional IRA vs. Roth IRA
- Investing Deathmatch: Stocks vs. Bonds
- Wait… Did I Just Lose All My Money Investing in the Stock Market?
Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE)
- Your Girl Is Officially Retiring at 35 Years Old
- The Real Story of How I Paid off My Mortgage Early in 4 Years
- My First 6 Months of Early Retirement Sucked Shit: What They Don’t Tell You about FIRE
- Bitchtastic Book Review: Tanja Hester on Early Retirement, Privilege, and Her Book, Work Optional
- Earning Her First $100K: An Interview with Tori Dunlap
We’ll periodically update this list with new links as we continue writing about retirement. And by “periodically,” we mean “when we remember to do it.” Maybe remind us, ok? It takes a village.
Contribute to our staff’s retirement!
Holy Justin Baldoni that’s a lot of lengthy, well-researched, thoughtful articles on the subject of retirement. It sure took a lot of time and effort to finely craft all them words over the last five years!
In case I’m not laying it on thick enough: running Bitches Get Riches is a labor of love, but it’s still labor. If our work helped you with your retirement goals, consider contributing to our Patreon to say thanks! You’ll get access to Patreon exclusives, giveaways, and monthly content polls! Join our Patreon or comment below to let us know if you would be interested in a BGR Discord server where you can chat with other Patrons and perhaps even the Bitches themselves! Our other Patrons are neat and we think you should hang out together.