Season 5, Episode 1: “Why Save for Retirement When the World Is on Fire?”

Kitty & Piggy 0:00
[unintelligible pompous noises]

Piggy 00:03
Preposterous!

Kitty 00:04
Balderdash!

Piggy 00:05
I’m flabbergasted!

Theme Song 0:08
If you need some dough
You don’t know where to go
In this patriarchal capitalist hellscape

Well here’s the ‘sitch
We’re gonna help you, sis
Because bitches get riches

Bitches get riches
Bitches get riches
Bitches get riches
And so can you

Kitty 0:34
I’m Kitty.

Piggy 0:35
I’m Piggy.

Kitty 0:37
And we are the bitches in Bitches Get Riches.

Piggy 0:40
We are two rival tech billionaires solely focused on one-upping each other in our never-ending quest to prove who has the biggest penis-shaped rocket.

Kitty 0:49
And we’re here to look surprised when the rest of you decide to guillotine us. Ha!

Piggy 0:54
Our time on this planet is limited.

Kitty 0:56
So let’s get started.

Piggy 0:58
Okay. So today’s letter actually comes to us from a follower who prefers to remain anonymous, so we’re gonna call them Cricket for the duration of this episode. So Cricket’s question is:

“BGR, I have some money that I can put in a retirement account, but I’m having trouble bringing myself to do it because the world seems like it’s on the verge of ending (not to be dramatic). I’m in my early twenties and it’s hard to imagine current financial institutions still existing in 50 years, for better or for worse. Why should I even bother saving for retirement when the world is on fire?”

Hmm. Why indeed?

Kitty 01:32
Nice simple question. Simple yes or no answers for us.

Piggy 01:35
I’m glad we got a light one for the day.

Kitty 01:38
Yeah.

Piggy 01:41
No, I think that—full disclosure, I’m the one who chose this question so I am the one who is bringing us all down today. And I chose this question because we’ve gotten it in some form a couple of times.

Kitty 01:52
We’ve gotten this a lot, yeah.

Piggy 01:55
And I think it really is important to address. So just to get things out of the way, we’re not going to suggest that everyone liquidate their retirement funds and use it to build a bunker. That would be fun, potentially, but I don’t think that that’s the…

Kitty 02:08
It sounds like more fun.

Piggy 02:09
Yeah, it does sound like more fun. Like who doesn’t want a fort?

Kitty 02:10
In a Minecraft sense, that would give me a sense of control.

Piggy 02:12
Yeah, exactly. Totally. But that’s not the answer here. We are going to advocate setting money aside for the future. And here’s why. Lauren, take it away. It’s all you.

Kitty 02:24
Uhh ahh! Okay. So this question does sort of—some questions reveal a lot about the asker. And this is one of those, even though it has no personal information whatsoever, it reveals a lot about Cricket’s kind of point of view, which I would say is maybe a bit doomer-ish.

Piggy 02:45
Just a bit.

Kitty 02:46
Maybe kind of consuming a lot of media and spending a lot of mental time thinking about how the world is so unstable that it couldn’t possibly stay the same. And I’m gonna tell you something really revolutionary. Are you ready? The world has always been unstable and it has often stayed the same.

Piggy 03:11
Gasp.

Kitty 03:12
I know. I feel a ton of sympathy for people, I think in our age cohort, Millennials and younger as well—

Piggy 03:23
Who have had multiple once in a lifetime crises to live through.

Kitty 03:27
Yeah. We live inside of a very doom-saturated environment. And it feels like things are always getting worse. They’re never getting better. It feels like there’s a ton of instability and that that instability has to lead to some kind of epic change or revolution or whether that’s for the good or for better or for worse as Cricket says. Um, but actually that is not true. We are, if you’re talking about America, we are a nation of 350 million people.

Piggy 04:11
That’s a lot of people.

Kitty 04:12
And we have 50 states and a couple of territories who we love to forget about. And it is very difficult to change a system that has that many participants overnight. And I think there’s a lot to be said for, it’s harder to do nowadays more than ever, but there’s a lot to be said for trusting that most people are trying to do the right thing. Most people are showing up every day and they’re doing their jobs. And because of that, it means that most institutions, most businesses, most social norms will just keep plugging away. I really do believe that it’s difficult to make lasting social economic change. You can make it pretty quickly, but it doesn’t stick. And so do I think that the people who are in power right now have the ability to change the system? Yes. Do I think that they have the ability to change the system in a revolutionary and permanently transformative way? No.

Piggy 05:22
Well said. I agree for the most part. I think I don’t—I hesitate to tell people “it’s all going to be fine.” Like that’s not what we’re saying here. That’s not what we’re saying. And we definitely are on the side of if things are going to get better, it’s going to be because we fight for it. It’s going to be because people are, I mean, you know, it is 2025 and people are out in arms in the streets protesting ICE, protesting the unfettered power of the executive branch. They are protesting shit that is really bad and going wrong. And I believe that, you know, this fight will be successful. I have to believe it. But I don’t think that that’s us being naive, or myopic about the future. So if I can take a slightly more pessimistic view—

Kitty 06:19
I’ll allow it.

Piggy 06:20
You’ll allow it? Okay, thank you. I appreciate that.

Kitty 06:21
Yes.

Piggy 06:23
Much obliged. I think the point that I want to get across here is that, you know, Cricket is asking like, why should I bother saving for retirement? And my more dark opinion here is that in times of great turmoil and crisis, it is the least among us who are hurt the most. I think back to Hurricane Katrina, the people who died in that hurricane were overwhelmingly marginalized people. They were poor, they were black and brown, they were disabled, they were elderly. Those people literally drowned in a hurricane because they didn’t have the resources to not drown. They were helpless. I’m not blaming them. Katrina, I think I use as an example because it was a systemic failure as much as it was a societal failure. But if we’re looking ahead to the consequences of what we are wroughting, what we are bringing about right now, if we look ahead to those consequences, we’re looking at a situation where having resources at your disposal can only help you survive. And you surviving and you believing in a better future will help others survive. It will help the less fortunate survive. So if it’s not a retirement fund, if it’s another diversified way of setting money aside, set that money aside for the future because you and your loved ones and your community will need it when the waters rise and the levees break.

Kitty 08:09
Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s a grim point, but a very valid one. I think this is a question about investing in your future self. So let’s say you have $1,000 today to invest in any way that you want. If you choose to set that money away toward your future, I can guarantee you with 100% accuracy that your future self will need to eat. So your future self could spend that money on food. Awesome. Great job. What may happen is that between now and then, your future self does not need to eat anymore because we have ascended spiritually. We have ridden the AI chariots of the gods to our ascended mortal state and we are now living in a Matrix-but-good situation. And so you actually don’t need any more food because the goop is automatically pumped into your e-brain. Great. You are not damaged in any way for having put that money away. And certainly in between now and then you can come up with some way to use it. Maybe it won’t have been as optimized, but it’ll get used. Your future self could always use money, basically. The only time in which I think it’s a bad idea to invest in your future self is if your present self needs it more. For example, if you have a high interest credit card with $1,000, don’t invest $1,000 into your retirement account. Put it into becoming debt free.

Piggy 09:41
Pay off that card.

Kitty 09:42
Exactly. There are situations where making your present self as stable as possible is financially the better thing to do with that money. But for the most part, your future self is always going to need money. If you think the future is uncertain, that’s all the more reason to try to set some money aside so that future me has access to some of the wealth that I have right now.

Piggy 10:09
Yeah. Yeah, I think in rejecting this fatalist point of view, we can also say, okay, so maybe a retirement account isn’t it. Maybe that’s not your method of putting things aside, in which case I would say great, find the method that works for you. I think that we are never going to not recommend you diversify your assets. So you know, if you’re like, maybe a retirement account that’s traditionally invested in the stock market, maybe I’m worried about that being effective, like I don’t agree with you, but I understand that concern. So maybe you should be saving that money in a way that you can use it to buy property. You can use it to get debt-free. You can use it to buy a Sprinter van that you can turn into a dwelling for your, like a mobile dwelling or a tiny house that you can pull on trailer. Put money aside in some way that you can use in the future.

I personally—like you know, I have a retirement account. I contribute to it, but I also have a home, the mortgage of which I am paying off at a rapid clip. I know that there’s going to come a time, whether it’s societal collapse or it’s the collapse of my janky-ass human body, like I’m not going to be able to make more money. I’m not going to be able to bring in more assets. And at that time, I want my elderly self to be like, hey, thanks, young and slightly more put-together self for working so hard and thinking of me. I don’t want to be somebody who finds myself in a desperate situation when our socioeconomic situation is even worse. You know?

Jeff Bezos got married this fucking weekend in Venice and it’s gross. And I’m angry that I know that because it’s been everywhere and like in the society pages, by which I mean my Instagram search results. And I’m just looking at it and I’m like: these assholes are going to be fine if Venice sinks. Venice is sinking, Paris is burning, and Jeff Bezos doesn’t have to care about that. You know? Like he can have this beautiful wedding in this historic city that is at danger from climate change and it does not matter to him. It will never hurt him because he has all the money in the world. And I’m not saying we should all aspire to be billionaires because that’s unrealistic for one thing and bad for another, but I am saying that you can only put yourself in a more secure and powerful position in the future if you set money aside for that future.

Kitty 12:54
Yes. If you think that the world is going to get worse, you should probably set money aside for your future self. If you think that the world is not going to get worse, oops, now your future self has a lot of money and is living in a good timeline. What a wonderful problem to have.

Yeah, this is—I know that a lot of this kind of can come down to motivation. Like, you may feel like it’s difficult for me to stay motivated toward aggressive saving goals when it’s like, I don’t even trust that this future might manifest for me one day. Yeah. And I totally feel that. I understand that. If these kinds of messages are resonating with you as they are with this reader Cricket, I would challenge you to find ways to feel engaged in your community that are not being online, reading the news, like leave those things aside. The world is absolutely full of people who are doing their best, keeping things steady, keeping things stable. And we are never going to give up.

Piggy 14:19
I think that’s a really good point. And I think you know, we’re living in unprecedented times. And people say that as a bad thing a lot. But I also see the amount of demonstrating and community outreach and just good work people are doing to right the ship and put us on a path towards something better, to just mix all of my metaphors. I find it really inspiring. And I think that people like Cricket who are like, well, why should I bother saving for the future if it’s gonna be completely collapsed in 50 years? Expend your energy working towards something better. Expend your energy getting involved in a cause that is going to ensure that things are not only not going to collapse, but are going to be better.

I think that times of enormous societal change are really good opportunities, if I may just totally glass half full this thing. They’re opportunities for things to get better, not just getting worse. And I think that if everybody who is like, well why should I bother? finds a reason to bother, if they find it in themselves to improve life going forward, I think that that could be really amazingly transformative. And I think that in 50 years, if Cricket gets involved, they can look back at it and be like, wow, I’m really glad that I organized my community and I made substantial change happen so that now in my dotage I can enjoy this money that I set aside for me and my loved ones and my community and I can talk about the dark times and how I got through them.

Kitty 16:09
Amen. You know, our parents grew up eating Red Delicious apples.

Piggy 16:15
Oh my god. Those poor things!

Kitty 16:16
And we get to eat Honey Crisp apples.

Piggy 16:18
That is change for the better.

Kitty 16:20
Sometimes things get better. Sometimes things get a lot better! And those Red Delicious apples, they got smaller and harder and mealier and that skin got papery-er year over year. And Cricket would have been eating those apples and just thinking like, this is it for apples. Apples are donezo, but no, somebody said, hey, I made this apple and it’s a lot better. Here, have it. And now it’s like we’ve taken an ax and fire to all of those Red Delicious trees. And they are quickly becoming extinct.

Piggy 16:56
Yeah, fuck you, Johnny Appleseed.

Kitty 17:00
Fuck you, Johnny. Things really can get better. They can get bad for a really long time and then suddenly get a lot better. And it’s just, it’s never wise to not assume that your future self will find a way to continue on and will need help from your past self.

Are you good with that?

Piggy 17:22
I am good with that.

Kitty 17:24
Okay. Readers, listeners, we have had a lot of new Patreon members join us recently. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of our heart. That support is what allows us to exist without ads, without sponsors, without sneaky affiliate links hiding all over the place. And it lets us do whatever we want and not feel like we have to please anybody but ourselves and yourselves. So we really, really appreciate our Patreon donors.

If you are interested in joining, head on over to patreon.com/bitchesgetriches. It’s a really fun community. We ask a lot of questions from our readers, we poll them a lot, sometimes they get little sneak peeks of what we’re working on, and everyone who’s in it is just like a wonderful human being whom I love dearly. So come on over, join us, it’s fun.

Piggy 18:15
Patreon dot com dot bitches—yeah, that’s the one.

Kitty 18:18
Patreon dot com dot bitches slash riches dot org!

Piggy 18:23
Wait, cut out my interjection. Okay, I’m just gonna skip back to the script now.

Kitty 18:29
Leave it all in!

Piggy 18:30
No! Hey, is there anything else they should know?

Kitty 17:24
Yeah, I—okay, maybe I’m gonna change my mind about this later, but right now, if you ask me what is the best album from the 1970s, Nilsson Schmilsson. It is so good. Every song, you’d think it was a best of. It’s fantastic. Go put it on and it’s gonna fix that doomer attitude. Turn that frown upside down.

Piggy 18:56
It slaps. Yeah, there you go. Good to know.

Kitty & Piggy 18:59
Bitches out!

Piggy 19:07
There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for.

Kitty 19:10
[exaggerated English accent] But it’s worth fighting for!

Piggy 19:12
[exaggerated English accent] It’s worth fight—putting money in your Roth IRA for, Mr. Frodo.

Kitty 19:16
[exaggerated English accent] You’re gonna need your IRA, Mr. Frodo. You’re gonna need to be diversified in stocks and bonds, Mr. Frodo.

Piggy 19:25
Whatever.

Kitty 19:25
[exaggerated English accent devolving into a Wisconsin accent] Oh, the Ringwraiths are here and they’re trying to take all of our cash money. Oh no, I went Wisconsin!