I’m boldly labeling today’s post our final update on student loan forgiveness in America.
Yes, I could seal the deal by titling it “Final FINAL Update On Student Loan Forgiveness V2_2.” But that feels unnecessary. It’s implied.
We’ve written a lot about student loan forgiveness. As a campaign promise, we loved it, but had zero faith it would ever happen. When the pandemic hit and it improbably grew legs, we were shocked and elated—though still skittish. After all, it had been so long since we had unreservedly great news to share with our readers. Like a houseplant that’s been given too little water, too much water, too little sunlight, or too much sunlight, the politically optimistic part of our brains withered and turned brown years ago!
Even as the policy details came out and the application for student loan forgiveness went live, we kept nervously casting about for the cameras recording our joy for a cruel prank show.
And sure enough, we stand before you today, picking banana cream pie out of our hair.
It’s really hard to fully understand what COBRA is and how it works. It’s a strange but potentially useful little product—but you’re only eligible for it if your life is already in a state of chaos. I don’t know about you, but I’m not great at absorbing complex new information when I am flying through the sky like Adrien Brody in the opening sequence of Predators!
COBRA is a very specific type of health insurance coverage. You can get it in only one circumstance: when you leave a job that has employer-provided health insurance. It’s meant to help you bridge the gap between when your old insurance coverage expires and the new coverage kicks in.
And honestly? Thank god.
If I’m under a fantastic health insurance plan from January 1 to December 30, my ass will be immaculately healthy for all 364 of those days. Then on New Years Eve, I will accidentally drop a bottle of sparkling wine that cannot legally be called champagne. I will twist both ankles as I log-roll over it, windmilling my arms comically while shouting “w-w-woah!” Then I will tumble ass-over teakettle down a staircase, landing on a bed of spikes, and all my prions will simultaneously fold the wrong way.
Like, I’m not superstitious. I’ve just lived long enough to know that’s literally how the world works. The moment you don’t have health insurance coverage, something spectacularly bad is bound to happen.
Every year, wage theft robs millions of American workers of billions of dollars—and worker misclassification is one of its most widespread, evil forms.
There are crystal-clear guidelines on the difference between independent contractors and employees. And a lot of employers steal from their workers by ignoring them. Today, I’m going to break the differences down for you. See if you recognize yourself, a friend, or a family member in these wage-theft-vulnerable positions.
If you are in a misclassification situation, your employer has stolen your wages. But there’s good news! You have recourse to get my two favorite things: money and justice! You can seek tax reimbursements, backpay, unpaid overtime, worker’s compensation benefits, and more for the years you were misclassified. And you can report your exploitative employer and get them into a wet mess of trouble.
Not to toot my own horn, but did you notice how I managed to say “misclassification situation” and not follow it with “truly an inspiration, it’ll be a sensation, we’ll have a Dalmatian plantation?”
And did you further notice that I didn’t go on a secondary digression about how Anita from 101 Dalmatians can absolutely get it? Yeah, that’s because I’m a professional. I’m on-topic as shit. Plus, it’s not really even debatable…
Note: Sorry, international readers! We’re talking exclusively about American labor law today. Go grab a non-cheeseburger food item of your choice and come back next week.
Am I really writing about the FIRE movement? Seven years into running what is, ostensibly, a FIRE movement blog? Why yes, I am!
We’ve published over 400 articles for Bitches Get Riches. It’s possible that one day we’ll stop because we’ve run out of things to say. But today ain’t that day.
Today, I’m explaining a concept so important to us—so central and foundational to every aspect of our lives—that we forgot to write about it. For years.
What can I say? It’s peak me! When a friend comes to visit, I often meet them at the threshold, drag them inside, thrust food into their hands, and press them to name their favorite title card from the original Batman: the Animated Series before I remember to actually, y’know, greet them. A tiny minority of people find this blunderbuss communication style charming. I’m grateful to them! I collect them! And if you’re still reading our blog after such a glaring long-term omission, congratulations: you’re a part of my collection.
If this is your first time hearing about the FIRE movement, sit down. Get comfortable. I might have the privilege of changing your life—and I want us both to enjoy it.
A few months ago, we had an opportunity to talk to an artist who’s been an absolutely iconic figure in our lives. Longtime readers know we are obsessed with Chris Dane Owens. His self-produced high fantasy rock music videos grabbed us at a formative time in our lives, and they’ve never let us go.
We first encountered Chris Dane Owens during our college years as roommates, when his viral hit music video for Shine On Me (2008) blasted across the duct-taped screens of our Dell Latitudes. Its radiant awesomeness pierced the clouds of our cynical art school education, which in the early aughts was insisting that art could only be good if it was gritty and brown and serious and rEaLiStIc. And to this day, we play its followup Light Speed (2014) before every speech and public appearance to pump ourselves up and appear effortlessly high energy.
Eventually, our superfanning caught his attention, and he magnanimously offered to come on our show. Our producer Ducky had to physically push our souls back into our bodies.
Today we’re thrilled to share that conversation.
Now, if you’re thinking “Eh, I’m here for the personal finance and career stuff, I’m gonna skip this one,” STOP! We talked about so many issues that matter to our readers.
How do you balance the soul-restoring work of creative endeavors with the draining but necessary work of paying bills?
Why does doing art on a part-time or hobby basis make us feel like failures or sellouts?
How do you identify the cross-functional skills of day jobs and passion projects that make you better at both?
Can you still grow and improve as an artist during times when money and work take priority?
If the work you want to do can’t be done alone, where do you meet collaborators and supporters?
How do you sustain a creative effort over a long period of time?
How do you fit self-funded art into a normal budget?
Chris provides a lot of honest and thoughtful answers to these questions, and more. We’re so grateful to him for his time and insights. We hope you enjoy listening half as much as we enjoyed making his episode, because it was easily the most fun we’ve ever had recording our podcast.
You can find Chris Dane Owens’s music on your streaming platform of choice. His YouTube channel has all of his legendary music videos. (If you haven’t seen them, have you even truly lived?) And if you want updates about his upcoming FEATURE FILM, Empire Queen, you can find links to videos, sneak peeks, and social channels for Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, and more at EmpireQueenMovie.com.
Special thanks go to Chris for so graciously appearing on our little podcast, and to our producer Ducky. Recording with guests always adds an extra layer of challenge, and she rose to the occasion!
The topic of nondisclosure agreements (NDAs) has been the perennial runner up in our Patreon polls for future article topics for years. They’ve been edged out at least four times by sexier, more topical topics. But today they’re finally getting their place squarely in the middle of the sunbeam that is my attention!
Much like Piggy and I, NDAs have been running amok for about thirty-five years, getting stronger and more belligerent all the time. But unlike us, it seems they’ve peaked.
Within the last six months, three major changes have drastically reduced the enforceability of predatory NDAs.
These changes provide general protection to all impacted employees, and specific protections for victims of sexual harassment. With this, it seems the power and popularity of predatory NDAs is finally waning. And workers are gaining back ground they never should’ve lost.
When news of the Silicon Valley Bank crash broke, I sighed deeply. Because sighing deeply is the age-appropriate version of a toddler pounding their fists on the floor screaming “I don’ wanna, I don’ wanna, I DON’ WANNA!” That’s always how I feel when I have to understand some complicated new brouhaha caused by oligarchs’ greed, when all I truly need in this life is more naptime.
Guys, don’t worry. Because I am a grown-up woman with finely tuned coping mechanisms, I worked through my tantrum and I did it! I understand what the hell happened to Silicon Valley Bank.
Paragon of intellectual generosity that I am, I’m going to explain it back to you.
If you want an in-depth, technical breakdown, this ain’t gonna be it. I’m going to focus on what this means for us plebs. That means skipping all the boring parts, creatively employing childish metaphors, recklessly speculating about its impact on the future of the economy, and oversimplifying absolutely everything.
Complex, dense financial topics explained by babies, for babies. That’s the Bitches Get Riches brand promise!
I’m always looking for great sustainable swaps, because I love finding ways to reduce my footprint. (In an ecological sense only—been holding steady at size 7.5 for years.) I try to recycle, compost, buy less, shop local, and choose more sustainable options. But I’m just one woman! I can’t test out everything. So I asked our endlessly wise Patreon community. And boy did Bitch Nation deliver!
My only caveat was that these sustainable swaps can’t suck.
Paper straws that disintegrate into wet clumps in your mouth? Absolutely not!
Coffee pods sold to us as green because you’ll “waste less water”? Lies and pictures of also-lies!
Cloth napkins that cost—I’m sorry—$92 for a set of four?! WHAT! I’m not linking to the site because they claim to be handmade by artisans, and I’m sure those artisans are very nice people. BUT STILL!
Out of this list, ye devils! These sustainable swaps need to be as good—or gooder!—than the products they’re designed to replace. Nothing prohibitively expensive or complicated.
Are we early to write a state of the blog 2023 post? Or late to write our report on 2022? You decide!
Either way, it’s been a while since we talked about something very important: us. So today we’re breaking the chains on our tethered egotism and sharing news about Bitches Get Riches. Here are the questions we’re answering:
What are your plans for Bitches Get Riches in the coming year?
Will you be at any conferences or events this year?
How’s it feel to run a legit-ass business with an actual factual employee?
How can I help you give your assistant a bigger bonus, because she deserves the sun and the moon and all the stars betwixt them?
Okay, okay, that last one is not a real question anyone has asked us. But we’re still going to answer it! Because we’re giving her a surprise bonus, and you can help make it bigger. Read on for details!
“My boss kept my tips.” Wow. Ernest Hemingway needed six words to tell a complete dramatic story. But we just told a complete horror story in only five words! That means we’re 120% more powerful and effective than a Pulitzer Prize- and Nobel Prize-winning writer. Although anyone who had to read Hills Like White Elephants in high school already knew that.
“I can’t argue with the math. These girls completely cucked me.”
– Ernest Hemingway on Bitches Get Riches
But you know who can (and will) argue with math? Bosses who steal tips from their employees!
Today’s letter writer is a tipped employee. When customers leave tips intended for them, only a fraction are actually getting passed along. Instead, their boss is keeping most of that money for herself. She claims it’s fair, because they were told it was the policy upfront. She also claims it’s legal, because the employees are paid above minimum wage. Is she right?
Bad employers gain cover to steal from their employees when the employees don’t understand their own rights. You’ll finish today’s episode with knowledge of the one—ONE!—crystal-clear situation where an employer can take their employee’s tips.
Don’t work in a tipped capacity? Listen anyway, and share it with someone who needs it. Just as it’s the employee’s right to be tipped, it’s your right as a customer to know your tip money is reaching them. We’re all stuck in this system together. And it’s only by mutual support that we can make it better for everyone.
