Lauren Torres ("Kitty"), Author at Bitches Get Riches • Page 3 of 22

3 Legal Documents You Need NOW and Where To Get Them Online for Cheap

January 26, 2023January 28, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 21 Comments

A while back, a mutual friend of the Bitches unexpectedly found themselves in the ICU. They were very young, very healthy, and due to be married to their deeply devoted partner within weeks. They were unconscious and totally incapacitated, and needed someone to make healthcare decisions on their behalf.

The funny thing about engagements is that they aren’t legally binding. So even though their fiancé absolutely knew their wishes better than anyone, all medical decisions reverted to their mother. I should say: the alcoholic, emotionally abusive mother they’d moved thousands of miles to escape from.

Maybe you’re one of those lucky people with a spouse, or living parents, who understand and agree with your decisions 100% of the time. But maybe you’re like our friend above, and your default healthcare advocate according to the law is dangerous, untrustworthy, or completely out-of-touch with your wishes and values. Failing to plan for unforeseeable medical emergencies can put your body and your life into the hands of someone who you don’t trust.

And that is a very, very scary situation.

Season 4, Episode 10: “I’m a Freelance Artist. How Do I Price My Work Fairly Without Losing Clients?”

January 24, 2023January 24, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 5 Comments

Bitchlings, today we’re bringing you a variation on a question we get a lot: How do you fairly price your own work? This question is especially important to artists and freelancers. And as you know, we’re passionate about people getting compensated fairly for their labor.

While our personal freelancing days are behind us, we still carry the scars of thousands of hours of freelance work, earning our monthly student loan payments and rent money. Let these battle-hardened former freelancers pass along the wisdom of our fight. Learn from our mistakes and avoid the wounds we earned in this good fight!

(*Which Bitch is which member of the Fellowship? Share your theories in a comment. Be sure to show your work.*)

And for fuck’s sake fire your shittiest clients.

Season 4, Episode 8: “I’m Queer, and Want To Find an Affordable Place To Retire. How Do I Balance Safety With Cost of Living?”

January 10, 2023January 27, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 9 Comments

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: the cost of living is higher for gay people. And it’s not just because we buy $30 pairs of underwear. That is a stereotype, you bigot. Andrew Christian Trophy Boys are only $23 a pop.

(I originally had a gif here from an Andrew Christian marketing spot. I decided to omit it for the sake of anyone reading this at work. The arrestingly bouncy nature of the model’s package as he pelvic-thrusted across the screen was designed to catch a manager’s eyes from fifty paces. I will replace it with a seemingly work-related gif to facilitate more subtle on-the-clock browsing. See? I’m always looking out for you, beloved readers!)

Queer cost of living perfectly encapsulated in a gif. I'm telling you, it's scientifically impossible for a gif to resonate any more with the queer community than this one.

In our classic article Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances, we highlighted a few of the complex social and institutional structures that make it harder for queer people to accumulate wealth. But one thing we didn’t really touch on? Location, cost of living, and their outsize impact on queer people’s finances. But thanks to a letter from a righteously pissed-off Patreon donor, we’re diving into that today.

Season 4, Episode 5: “401(k)s Aren’t Offered in My Industry. How Do I Save for Retirement if My Employer Won’t Help?”

December 14, 2022December 13, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 5 Comments

Today’s question asker works in the service industry, which means their job doesn’t offer retirement accounts like a 401(k), 403(b), or a pension. This is the case for lots of people! Although these tax-advantaged retirement accounts are a cornerstone of personal finance advice, they’re only offered by 14% of U.S. companies. If you work for yourself, part time, in a tips-based job, or for a very small employer, a 401(k) may not be an option for you.

Does this mean you should just give up on the idea of saving toward your retirement?

When your job doesn't offer retirement accounts, do you just GIVE UP on saving for your retirement? HAHAHA NO

Good news, bitches. You don’t need a traditional retirement account to save towards your retirement. The classic 401(k), 403(b), and pensions are not your only options! Good options for retirement savings exist for everyone, regardless of their industry or employment status. We’re going to tell you about them today.

We Ranked Chocolate Sandwich Cookies by Taste and Price So You Don’t Have To

November 1, 2022November 1, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 16 Comments

It’s that time again! The time of year when we gather with our ~~fellow witches~~ closest friends around a ~~glowing green bonfire~~ kitchen table to determine which ~~village baby to steal away~~ name-brand snacks are worth it… and ~~witch~~ which are not!

Last time we settled the ancient blood feud of which cheese cracker is best. There were lots of surprises in that test! And the results permanently altered the course of our cheese-cracker-buying habits.

This year we’re talking about chocolate and vanilla sandwich cookies: a thin layer of vanilla cream resting in the loving embrace of two chocolate cookies.

Yes… we’re talking about Oreos and Faux-reos.

Guided by our extremely awesome Patreon donors, it is time to answer the question: can a store brand cookie knock the Oreo from its throne and/or cast it down into the darkest pits of hell?!

Let’s find out!

My First 6 Months of Early Retirement Sucked Shit: What They Don’t Tell You about FIRE

October 26, 2022October 26, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 15 Comments

As promised, I’m back with an update about my early retirement. It’s been six months since I stopped working. As I alluded to in a recent article, shit kinda went off the rails for me since retiring early.

You know, I didn’t have a solid vision for what my first six months of being permanently funemployed would be like… but whatever I had in mind, it sure wasn’t this! Life is full of twists and turns, ain’t she?

Do I have extra juicy, highly personal anecdotes to share? WHY YES, I DO! Navel gazing of the highest degree—dead ahead!

Today’s article is published in collaboration with the Plutus Foundation’s Impact Series. Their theme for October is the financial independence movement. Seems like a fine opportunity to give everyone an update on how my own financial independence is going! If you don’t already follow them, please consider doing so. The Plutus Foundation has amplified a lot of amazing voices over the years—our own fried and scratchy drawls included! They share amazing content. We’re lucky to have them as a leader in the personal finance space.

You’re Saving Too Much Money in Your Emergency Fund… And You Might Not Need It at All

October 13, 2022October 21, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 18 Comments

We, the Bitches, have said many times that emergency funds are absolutely foundational to financial stability—which makes it wild that today, I’m here to completely contradict myself and say you might not need an emergency fund at all!

When we first started this blog, our frame of reference was regular folks. We gathered experiences from friends and coworkers who were mostly young and broke, with neither interest nor experience in managing money. Overwhelmingly, those people needed emergency funds and often didn’t have them.

Now we have a healthy readership of self-identified personal finance nerds… and we’re seeing the opposite problem! These people took the “build an emergency fund” step and ran with it. But like, past the goal post, straight out of the stadium, and deep into Parking Lot B. They’re sitting on shockingly large piles of cash, afraid to spend or invest, chasing ever-higher amounts for “safety.”

So today I want to talk about why you might not need an emergency fund. Or at least, why you might not need a classic emergency fund (i.e., the giant pile of X months’ expenses in cash). In some cases, it’s a smart, strategic decision to have a smaller or less traditional emergency fund. Especially if there may be better uses for your cash right now.

It doesn’t apply to everyone—but if you’re reading this blog, odds are good it applies to you!

How to Get DIRT CHEAP Pet Medication, Without a Prescription

September 28, 2022September 27, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 15 Comments

Coming at you today with a life hack for getting cheap pet medication without a prescription. We rarely do these kinds of “one neat trick” articles—but when we do, they’re bangers. This one’s no exception.

I have a whole passle o’ hounds. My budget for routine flea, tick, and heartworm preventative medication used to be $360.00 per dog, per year. And that didn’t include fees for the annual vet exams or tests to get the prescriptions in the first place! I don’t need to tell you this was way too much fucking money for me. For years, I’d just accepted that price without question because I was too busy with work to think about it.

But at long last, I have the luxury of time! After an exhaustive amount of research (brought to you by coffee and Adderall, breakfast of neurodivergent champions), I found myriad other ways to get cheap pet medication. And I’ve identified what I think is the very best one.

I got my cost per animal down to just $32.50 a year. That’s 90% cheaper, for the exact same medications!

And today, I’ll tell you how I did it.

Businesses Will Happily Give You HUGE Discounts if You Ask This Magic Question

September 21, 2022October 8, 2023 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 13 Comments

Also known as “the magical six-word question that’s saved me $1,140 in the last three months.” Sounds like clickbait, right? But miraculously, this tip is 100% legit and may one day save your (financial) life.

It’s a special little secret called… the cash discount.

I’m a little wary of asking for discounts, especially from very small companies. When it’s just one or two people running the show, it means those one or two people spend an inordinate percentage of their time doing things they don’t like to do. Nobody starts their own business because they love filing quarterly taxes—they soldier through it for the 10% of the time running their business in which they’re actually doing the thing they love.

And every small business owner I’ve known has lost sleep over their pricing. (Us included!) No matter what you’re selling, there’s local and global competition for it, and consumers have tools now that didn’t exist 10 or 20 years ago that allow them to find, compare, rate, and review similar services. The world is a buyer’s market, and it’s really hard to measure what you know your work is worth against what you know people are willing to pay for it.

So asking to pay less for the same product is almost always a wearying and unwelcome question… with one very special exception.

The Ultimate Guide to Helping a Sick Friend

September 6, 2022September 6, 2022 Lauren Torres ("Kitty") 15 Comments

This month, our wonderful Patreon donors requested an article on helping a sick friend. I couldn’t be happier, since this has become an area of special expertise for me!

I’ve spent the first months of my early retirement as a full-time caregiver. That definitely wasn’t the plan! My partner was diagnosed with a femoroacetabular impingement: the ball-and-socket joint of his hip wasn’t quite ball-enough, and the socket was too-sockety. So he had corrective surgery. Obviously, getting bone shaved off a weight-bearing joint ain’t something you bounce back from quickly. For him, it meant 6-8 weeks of bed rest, plus 5-6 hours of physical therapy every day, to fully recover within six months

Helping a sick friend is kind of a big deal.

And I wasn’t just taking care of him! While this was happening, a good friend got gender confirmation surgery. They stayed with us for the first part of their convalescence. And somewhere in there, our oldest dog got twelve teeth pulled. It was a lot to deal with all at once! Our house was overflowing with love and pills, pills, so many pills, and also sprays, and ice packs, but mostly pills.

So believe me when I say I’m bringing the full force of personal experiences into this guide to helping a sick friend. More than anything, it takes creativity to be helpful in situations where you feel powerless.

So I’m happy to impart this hard-won adulting wisdom. I hope you can use it to be the MVP of a loved one’s recovery.