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S2 E5: "What do I need to know about moving into my first apartment?"

Season 2, Episode 5: “What Do I Need to Know about Moving into My First Apartment?”

It is Bitches Get Riches canon that Kitty and I met when we were randomly assigned roommates freshman year of college. We bonded through the adversity of cohabiting in a forced triple with an infuriating third party who shall forever remain nameless. The two of us shared a bunkbed and ceded one entire half of the room to that creature’s baffling habits and excessive belongings. I won’t go into it except to quote General William Tecumseh Sherman: “War is hell.”

Yet BGR lore rarely tells the end of the story! For after that fateful freshman year, we went on to rent our first apartment together, taking our roommateship to the next level. Nothing tests a friendship like shopping for a shower curtain together.

We survived our fourth-floor walkup with its busted dollhouse dishwasher and coffin-like shower. But more importantly, our friendship survived.

And thus, we feel uniquely qualified to dispense advice on Baby’s First Apartment!

This week’s question

Today’s question comes to us from Patreon supporter Aidan. Aidan asks:

Hello. I have been a longtime follower of your blog, but now I’m in need of financial advice so here I am. I have been researching throughout the internet and all, but there isn’t enough information about getting a first apartment. Like, what type of hidden costs or whatever are important to know about in regards to getting an apartment? How much money will I end up spending in the initial months of moving into an apartment? What type of things do you wish you knew before moving into your first apartment? Advice is much appreciated, thank you for taking time to answer this question.

– Patron Aidan

It’s like someone sent up our Bat Signal.

For more of our very knowledgeable thoughts and opinions on the matter of apartments and moving out for the first time:

We heckin adore our patrons. They’re the special sauce that brings this whole blog-cum-podcast together.* So thanks to our Patreon donors for supporting us. We know it’s but a pittance in exchange, but we reward all our patrons with exclusive goodies like 24/7 Q&A support, exclusive merch, and voting on article topics every month. If you want to join the ranks of Bitches Get Riches supporters, head on over to our Patreon page!

*Forgive me, but I cannot promise I will never use the words “special sauce” and “cum” in the same sentence again on this blog.

S02E02: "I'm not ready to buy a house---but how do I *get ready* to get ready?"

Season 2, Episode 2: “I’m Not Ready to Buy a House—But How Do I *Get Ready* to Get Ready?”

Previously on season two of the Bitches Get Riches podcast…

We dealt with the existential guilt of crushing your personal finances while your friends struggle to get by. This time, though, we’re taking a question from the other end of the spectrum. What do you do, practically and mentally, when your very modest life goal feels like a financial impossibility?

Naturally, we had opinions. And not just because we are two loudmouthed internet white ladies who have never learned when to shut up!

This week’s question

An anonymous Tumblr follower asks…

Hi Bitches! I’m only twenty years old, so I know this is unrealistic, but my greatest wish in life is to own a teeny tiny cottage somewhere with a garden.

I don’t even care where in the world I have to live to make it happen. Like I said: unrealistic. I know that I probably won’t get my little cottage for a long time.

All the same, I know absolutely nothing about how to work towards that goal, so do you have any advice for a young aspiring homeowner? How does buying a house even work? Thank you!

Kitty and I had a very, very visceral reaction to this question, which you’ll hear in the episode. I’m not saying we decided to burn it all down and start the revolution because owning a small rural home with a garden should not fucking seem like an unattainable goal, but, well…

I digress. Here’s your homework:

A huge fucking thank you to our lovely patrons, who made season two of the podcast possible. The capeless heroes who are our Patreon donors get all kinds of extra BGR goodies, including grainy cellphone footage of us singing the “Elephant Love Medley” from Moulin Rouge. Well worth their hard-earned pennies, I’m sure they’d agree. Patreon donors can vote on article topics, pitch us questions directly, and get private answers from us directly in their inbox. Join us over at our Patreon page!

It's taken me months to write this article. I sacrificed the adventure of a lifetime to keep my job. A month later, they fired me anyway.

I Lost My Job and It Might Be the Best Worst Thing That’s Ever Happened to Me

Two years ago I was celebrating leaving my job of nearly nine years at a nonprofit publishing house and finally going corporate. I was riding high and making more money at a large, for-profit publishing house, working remotely full-time and generally kicking ass. It was the shit.

Aaaaand then I lost my job.

Sad trombone.

Kitty dropped the news during our coronavirus article blitz. And I’m honestly glad she did, because it saved me the struggle of deciding to pull the trigger on telling you all. For some reason I’ve been too… ashamed? Embarrassed? Afraid? Feeling hypocritical? Emotionally stunted???

There’s a reason it’s taken me a few months to write this article, even if I don’t yet understand what that reason is. Clearly I have a lot of thoughts and feelings to process about getting laid off. So let’s get with the processing.

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Your table needs bread, and modesty is the least filling carbohydrate.

How to Frame Volunteering on Your Resume When You’ve Never Had a Job

We’ve said it before, we’ll say it again: the hardest job to get is your first one. Or at least, the first one that’s in your chosen field and not, you know, corn detasseling for Moon Pie money. Everybody who grew up in a flyover state say heyyyyy!

See, when you’ve never had a job before…

  • Your resume is as short as a sneeze.
  • You don’t have professional connections to turn to for help or advice, like mentors and old coworkers.
  • True entry level jobs are rarer than they used to be.
  • You don’t have much practice at the basic skills you need to get any job, like nailing an interview and writing great cover letters.
  • You have even less experience with next-level skills you need to get a great job, like learning how to understand your company or industry’s most pressing needs and position yourself with strategic accordance.

(Mmm, you know it’s going to be a good day when you’re an ENTJ and you get to use the phrase “position yourself with strategic accordance” before noon.)

Unfortunately, when unemployment is high, it all gets even harder. Because now you’re competing with a lot more people—and they likely have some of the advantages you lack.

We feel for anyone with a thin job history who’s stuck competing in a tough job market with wicked high unemployment. Y’all are skipping the Hunger Games and going straight to the Quarter Quell: head-to-head, not against other frightened children, but bloodthirsty professional-ass adults. So in the near future, we’ll be discussing lots of strategies that can help mitigate the shittiness.

Today, we’ll discuss how to use past volunteering to make your resume shine! Let’s get into it!

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Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of income tax, you shall fear no audits.

How to File Your Taxes FOR FREE: Simple Instructions for the Stressed-Out Taxpayer

Listen up, babies. We’ve been dancing around the issue of taxes for a while now, and it’s time we got to it. Yes, we’ve explained the importance of taxes as a fee for membership in civilization. We’ve told you why you should file your taxes ASAP. And we’ve even told you about that time I got audited!

It’s time to face the beast head-on. It is our sacred duty, as your duly appointed Bitches, to take you through this unpleasantness step by step.

Yea, though you walk through the valley of the shadow of income tax, you shall fear no audits; for We art with you; Our gifs and Our snark they comfort you.

-The Book of the Bitches, 3:7-9
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Ask the Bitches: How Can I Survive in an Apartment with No Heat?

Today I’m answering a timely question from one of our Tumblr followers. Takeittothestarss asks…

“Hi bitches! I hope you’re well and that you can help me (in that order). I’ve recently moved out of my parent’s house into an apartment with a couple housemates. Our building is old and not well insulated. It also doesn’t have A/C or heating, so right now it’s cold as balls. I’m wearing 5 sweaters and a blanket and I’m still cold. How do I warm this space up? I can’t make any modifications to it bc it’s a rental and we’re college students in very expensive city, so the less $ the better. Thanks!”

Ah. Heat. Like hope, it leaves the world sometimes, and we’re all worse off for it. But this is a modern late-stage-capitalist twist on a classic tenet of life on the cheap.

If there’s a Ten Commandments of Frugal Living, the first three are probably…

  1. Thou shalt not drinketh the fruit of the latte.
  2. Thou shalt cut thine cable.
  3. Thou shalt put on a goddamn sweater.

This coincides with the first two of the Ten Commandments of Being Dad…

  1. Thou shalt not touch the thermostat.
  2. Nay, seriously, thou shalt not fucking touch it.

I live in New England, which is about as cold and dark as Hell itself. Even now, several feet of snow are pouring down around me. Even worse, I live in an old house that’s still heated by oil.

Each fill-up is about $500.

Give me something for the pain and let me die.

Like most frugal New Englanders, I have shivered my way through many a cold winter day, trying to save a few ha’pennies to buy my husband the new watch chain he so richly deserves. So I’m going to tell you what I know about staying warm. 

Keep in mind that, thanks to our Patreon donors, we don’t need to stoop to spon-con. All the product recommendations in this article come straight from the heart!

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Episode 005: “I Don’t Love My Job, but It Pays Well. Should I Quit—or Tough It Out?”



Today’s podcast question comes to us from Patreon donor Rachel. She’s in a good situation overall: stable, paying down debt quickly, and gainfully employed as an engineer.

But her feelings about engineering overall are, mmm… tepid.

Shall we slap her for even considering leaving a lucrative and in-demand field? Or shall we kiss her on both cheeks and push her off the gravy train? You’ll have to listen to find out!

Today’s question

“I’m an engineer, I’ve been working for five years, and I don’t think it’s something I’ve ever truly been passionate about. My experiences have made me realize just how much I love project management. That can be done as an engineer, yes, but those jobs are fewer and more far in between.

“I’m thinking of branching out, but honestly, I’m scared. What if I don’t like it? What if I can’t get back into the engineering field once I’ve been gone for so long? The job I have now (along with my wife’s) gives us ample salaries that allow us to save and pay down debt like crazy. I can’t say that the security of those salaries isn’t alluring, though I hate to be tied to a job just because of the money.

“I don’t want to fuck myself over in the long run. I want to ‘retire’ early and spend my life doing the things I love. But I also don’t want to be unhappy at work. Please send help. 🙏”

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Episode 002: “How Should I Behave on My First Day at Work?”



Wow, thanks to all the folks who left a nice review on our very first episode! Please continue to ignore our amateur hour aspects. Squint hard and see only the good!

The second episode of our podcast returns to the realm of the workplace, where we give A++, very sound and rational career advice to a listener.

Today’s question

“Hey Bitches! I hope you can help me on time. I recently accepted a job offer after 6+ months of being unemployed!! I start this Monday and I want to know: what are the most important things you should do on your first day at work?

I’m a fresh grad so all this is new. I keep finding lists with like 15 things, and that’s way too much to keep track so I need help! Also one bit of advice I saw often was that I should ‘check in’ throughout the day with my manager/boss: how exactly do I do this?”

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Are Unions Good or Bad?

Our awesome Patreon donors have spoken! This week, they would like for us to answer this question…

What’s the deal with unions? Because I’ve heard they’re amazing, corrupt, empowering, exploitative, equalizing, and expensive. What’s the truth?

Let me answer this question the way I answer most things: by starting with a tangent on a totally unrelated topic, until it suddenly isn’t! (It’s kinda My Thing.)

It’s toasted

Do you know when cigarette smoking among Americans peaked? It was in 1963.

How about when we first got pretty solid evidence that smoking caused lung cancer? It was thirteen years earlier, in 1950.

Thirteen years is a long dang time! If people knew it was a health risk, why did so many not only continue to smoke, but begin smoking who hadn’t before?

The main culprit is the tobacco industry’s social engineering. Which is to say: their deliberate, coordinated campaign of disinformation.

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For Piggy so loved her readers that she gave them unfettered permission to do with their own money as they damn well pleased.

Ask the Bitches: How Do I Say “No” When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again?

We got a question recently that I just had to share with the whole class. It evokes one of the purest reminders that personal finance is indeed personal.

Our anonymous letter writer is dealing with a common problem: what to do when relationships and money meet? In this case, it’s a family relationship. And this is only the latest in a long pattern of clashes on this issue.

“Hey Bitches. My cousin just lost his job, which means my aunt is gonna start giving him money again, which means she will very likely ask me if she can borrow some money to give him. I don’t want to help her enable him anymore and I also just don’t want to give them money. It’s hard enough to save money for myself. I can’t say I don’t want to help her enable him because she’ll get angry and say I’m being disrespectful. But if I tell her I don’t have money to spare I know she’s gonna bring up the iPad I recently bought. Honestly, it’s a lose-lose situation, but what could I say to tell her no?”  

FULL. BODY. CRINGE.

Oh the secondhand familial guilt! The magnetic pull of deeply ingrained elder respect! The weight of an elder asking—nay, telling—you to do something! Years of CCD and generations of elderly Italian relatives are bearing down upon my tender soooooul!

Can’t you just feel the dread wafting off this question like the putrid stench of Aunt Bertie’s perfume as she leans in to demand a kiss on her cheek?

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