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Season 2, Episode 3: "Why is my girlfriend pissed at me for being generous?"

Season 2, Episode 3: “Why Is My Girlfriend Pissed at Me for Being Generous?”

We have friends in real life.

No really, we do!

Why don’t you ever hear about them? They, uh, live in Canada…?

This week’s question comes from one of our IRL pals, whom we’ve called Will. He’s in conflict with his girlfriend over money. Specifically, she seems to be giving a lot of side-eye to his personal generosity—especially when the beneficiaries of that generosity are her family members.

Luckily for Will, one of our main skills is guessing why women are mad.

This week’s question

Will (who definitely isn’t a former prosecutor and current Senator for the state of California) asks…

My girlfriend and I are sort of fighting over money. When we first met, I had NOTHING. Like, sleeping-in-my-car nothing. But in the last three years my career miraculously rocketed into the stratosphere. I’m making SO MUCH MONEY. Meanwhile, her career has kind of plateaued. She’s working hard, but not getting ahead. Meanwhile I’m getting tired of winning.

But the real issue is she’s mad about how I spend my money. I don’t mean I waste it all. Nope, instead I’m making up for all the times friends helped me. Humble brag, but I’m ridiculously generous right now and I love it. I give friends gifts, pay for dinner, and tip big all the time. I’m sure this attitude will wear off eventually, but right now I’m just enjoying spoiling the people I love, INCLUDING MY GIRLFRIEND.

But recently when her sister said she couldn’t afford a $300 class to finish getting her social work degree, I just gave her the money. I was happy to do it: it would improve her life, the money was nothing to me, and I’m sure she’ll pay it forward. But my girlfriend was PISSED and I don’t quite understand what I did wrong. Can you do your feminist-to-dumb-guy translation here and help out ya boi?

– IRL Pal Will

Oh, we have theories. In fact, I’d say this whole episode is brought to you by “women’s intuition.” Which is a thing that has actual scientific basis! Yeah, man, it’s just like, soooooooo weird that people who are socialized from earliest infancy to pacify and accommodate others under implicit threat of physical violence get pretty good at reading the intentions of others… I wonder what kinds of exciting shit we already know that science will discover next!

Like our ~romantic~ advice? I mean, okay, here’s some more:

Thanks again to our generous Patreon donors for their support. Without it, this season simply would not be. If you want to join the ranks of Bitches Get Riches supporters (and get your name read aloud on an episode of the podcast) head on over to our Patreon!

6 thoughts to “Season 2, Episode 3: “Why Is My Girlfriend Pissed at Me for Being Generous?””

  1. My mom used to have a saying, “my money is my money. My husband’s money is also my money”. This episode had really reminded me of her wisdom.

  2. I am a younger sibling, but my older brother always falls back on me for money, and I have been slowly cutting him off – his financial problems are his, and he needs to learn that I am not his bail out person – so it may be a similar situation. Where the sister may be going around the girlfriend and she hasn’t mentioned that to her boyfriend. So if that is the situation I 100% get the girlfriends point.

    1. YES! I actually cut a lot of Piggy and I speculating about the sister, because it seemed like we were reading too much into very few details. But YES, we found it very easy to believe there could be a dynamic where the little sister has a habit of begging for money from her family members, which would make older sis doubly pissed: at her lil sis for low-key hitting up her bf, and also at her bf for “giving the mouse a cookie.”

      A situation like yours is a pretty common family dynamic. That’s why we’re HUGE believers in letting each member of a partnership take the lead with their kin.

  3. Not knowing your friend, I was wondering if he might be coming off as basically using his new wealth as power. It sounds like he really is throwing it around and I wonder if his girlfriend sees a show-off or “flex” element to his generosity regardless of whether or not that really is part of his motivation.

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