Be Your Own Hype Man at Work by Writing a Brag Sheet

If you’re angling for a promotion or a new job, the best way to showcase your accomplishments and make a case for your worth is by writing a brag sheet.

Brag sheet?” cry you. “But I am a mindful, demure, and humble team player! How could I ever do anything so gauche and uncouth as bragging??? That would make me appear pompous, full of myself, unworthy of respect or further responsibilities! Why, I would rather languish in an underpaid and overworked position for eternity than to so debase myself by bragging!”

Of course you have something to brag about! Even if it is the ethnic cleansing of the Romani from Paris in the 15th century!

Yes, the operative word in “brag sheet” has a negative connotation. And as much as we all admire humility, when it comes to getting ahead in this cutthroat capitalist job market, you need to banish the idea of humility from your mind. Humble people toil away in obscurity. Braggarts get promotions.

Which is why today we’re going to talk about how to effectively brag your way to the top… with a brag sheet!

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MASTERPOST: Everything You Need To Know About Taxes

It’s that time again! The Ides of April approacheth. Time to pay the piper, render under Caesar what is Caesar’s, and pay your dues, for there is nothing sure in the world save death and our topic for the day.

Yes, that’s right: It’s officially tax season yet again. RUDE.

Over the years we’ve covered many aspects of taxes—from how to file them for free to what to do if you fuck ’em up. So today I’m gathering all our scintillating tax season advice together in one place. For no matter how little money you make, nor how full of moths your wallet, the tax man comes for us all.

Taxes are based on your income, not how much you've managed to save. Just FYI.
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When It Comes to Salary Negotiations, Are You Asking for Enough?

“Oh god, oh god, the hiring manager just asked me about my salary requirements” is a text I’ve gotten a dozen times from friends and coworkers over the years. For a young professional, it’s usually the most fraught moment in the entire hiring process.

And for good reason! How you handle salary negotiations has enormous financial consequences. The right answer can catapult you forward… and the wrong one can set you back years.

How do you know that the number you’re asking for is within the right salary range? And how do you start off on the right foot while negotiate your starting salary? Fear not, my children, for we are here with some tips that will help you make sure you’re not selling yourself short.

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How Abusive Workplaces Mirror Abusive Relationships

How Abusive Workplaces Mirror Abusive Relationships

Note: Today’s discussion is about abusive workplaces, abusive relationships, and the common ground between the two. We will talk about high-control relationship models, power imbalances, and manipulation tactics. But we’re not telling any harrowing first-person stories, nor talking about physical or sexual violence. If those are topics you need help navigating, we have an article dedicated to workplace sexual harassment, and another on intimate partner financial abuse.

Earlier this year, Piggy and I delivered a speech on the subject of burnout. That there’s an appetite for advice on this subject among women’s professional associations will, perhaps, not shock you?

As I was researching the impact that burnout has on the body, I got an eerie feeling that the symptoms seemed familiar. I wondered if I’d already written something on this topic and forgotten. (We’ve written several hundred articles apiece, so it happens!)

But no! What was tripping my extremely faulty memory triggers wasn’t a past article about burnout.

It was a past article on domestic violence.

This really got me thinking about all the stories I’ve heard from you, our readers, about burnout. And I started noticing disturbing patterns in the ways those stories were told. As a result, I’ve come to a stronger opinion about the overlap between the psychology of abusive workplaces and abusive relationships.

… Which is that they’re functionally identical.

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Predatory NDAs Just Got a Lot Harder To Enforce

The topic of nondisclosure agreements (NDAs) has been the perennial runner up in our Patreon polls for future article topics for years. They’ve been edged out at least four times by sexier, more topical topics. But today they’re finally getting their place squarely in the middle of the sunbeam that is my attention!

Much like Piggy and I, NDAs have been running amok for about thirty-five years, getting stronger and more belligerent all the time. But unlike us, it seems they’ve peaked.

NDAs, unlike Dennis and I, have peaked.

Within the last six months, three major changes have drastically reduced the enforceability of predatory NDAs.

These changes provide general protection to all impacted employees, and specific protections for victims of sexual harassment. With this, it seems the power and popularity of predatory NDAs is finally waning. And workers are gaining back ground they never should’ve lost.

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Season 3, Episode 10: "I Want to Break Into a New Field. How Do I Make Employers See Past My Lack of Direct Experience?"

Season 3, Episode 10: “I Want to Break Into a New Field. How Do I Make Employers See Past My Lack of Direct Experience?”

We, your humble Bitches, are experts in many topics. How to horrifically fuck up one’s finances, for example! We’ve got hands-on experience with that one, and we aren’t afraid to announce it to an auditorium full of people.

Today we’d like to direct your attention to another area of our hands-on expertise: career transitions. Citizens of Bitch Nation will recall that I transitioned from a career in publishing to one in finance early this year. Certainly not as dramatic as some people’s transitions, but it was still a big deal. I had to figure out how to reframe my existing skill set and experience so it would apply outside of my original industry. And I had to let go of the idea that my career defined me. Scary stuff.

Fortunately, I had prepared for my career transition by setting up a second income stream through my side hustle—this very Chris Dane Owens fan site personal finance blog! And that gave me a huge advantage before I attempted to reforge myself in the fires of a career transition.

For my next career transition, I'm going to be Chris Dane Owens.

Listen to this week’s brand new podcast episode to find out how to identify transferrable skills, translate your experience into the language of a new career, and reinvent your professional worksona! We even kinda know what we’re talking about with this one!

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Season 3, Episode 5: “I Really Hate One of My Tasks at Work. Is There a Way To Escape It Without Quitting My Job?”

Season 3, Episode 5: “I Really Hate One of My Tasks at Work. Is There a Way To Escape It Without Quitting My Job?”

Collaborative problem-solving. Scalability. Solutions-based tactics. Results-oriented. Verticals. Delegating opportunities for growth. Synergy.

This is just a sampling of the corporate dialectic that inspired our answer to this week’s question on the podcast. Because sometimes, my friends, you have to fight fire with fire in the workplace. And by “fire” we mean “insufferable corporate bureaucracy.”

It’s ok, my sweet. We promise that by the end of the episode, you won’t hate yourself. Instead, you too will delight in using the tools of corporate assholery to dismantle the system and turn it in your favor!

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Don't Turn Your Passions Into Work

Don’t Turn Your Passions Into Work

Turning your passions into work is really popular advice. At my day job, I’m mentoring a fresh crop of school-aged interns. One of them learned that I had a blog and was super excited to ask me about it.

“I run an Instagram account where I talk about beauty and self-acceptance,” she told me, “and I LOVE it.”

And I could tell that she meant it! Her whole face lit up. She was practically wiggling in her seat with excitement. She described the positive, loving feedback she received from doing it, and how it gave her a true sense of purpose. “I want to eventually figure out how to monetize it and potentially turn it into a career. Any advice on how to do that?”

“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “Don’t.”

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{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care

MASTERPOST: Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care

Self-care! It’s not just for rich white ladies with 100,000 Instagram followers!

Self-care is for you.

Yes you. As hard as it may be to believe when you’re at your worst and feeling low, you deserve a little care and maintenance now and again.

And we want you to have it. So here it is, children: the complete works of the Bitches on self-care, personal betterment, and making your life happier, healthier, and wealthier.

You’ve earned it.

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