free money Archives • Bitches Get Riches

Here at Bitches Get Riches, we’re constantly extolling the virtues of compounding interest, which Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela all deemed the Eighth Wonder of the World.* This might lead personal finance novices to believe that interest is universally a great and wealth-building thing. Not so, dear readers. Not so.

Just as interest can work for you, contributing mightily to your financial goals over a long period of time, so it can spell your very doom. DOOM.

Like a monetary Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, interest has both your best interests (see what I did there?) and your utter financial destruction at its heart. Let’s explore its dual nature with a healthy dose of hyperbole, shall we?

*Not intended to be a factual statement

It’s hard to pinpoint which personal finance site I dislike the most. There are so many tone-deaf mansplainers and pyramid schemers to choose from!

… But The Penny Hoarder is way up there.

I see their ads everywhere. And I’ve read a few of their articles, thanks to their scientifically-engineered-for-maximum-clickbait titles. But they are so embarrassingly saturated with referral links promising “quick” and “easy” money that I feel the strong need to shower afterwards.

I just really hate that kind of crap.

Spoiler alert, kids: almost nothing worth doing can be done quickly or easily. By definition, people only seek quick and easy solutions to long and hard problems! “One cool trick” ads ain’t out there saving lives.

If there were miracle exercises that gave you Jason Momoa’s body with only ten minutes of weekly exercise, there would be no highly compensated personal trainers in LA, and everyone would look like Jason Momoa (and what a lovely planet that would be)!
If there were miracle diets or supplements that could change the shape of your body quickly and easily, we’d’ve discovered them millennia ago, because there is nothing on this earth a human being hasn’t shoved in their piehole. The only truly new food we have invented in the last ten thousand years is Velveeta, and in my hands-on experience, eating Velveeta initiates a slow process of becoming Velveeta.
If there were some miracle product that could eliminate acne, there wouldn’t be 2.5 aisles full of hundreds of skincare products at Target. We would just use The One!

The same is absolutely true for money too. If it grew on trees, there’d be a fuckton more arborists. Alas, currency is a scarce commodity that’s difficult and time-consuming to accumulate by its very nature.

I say all this so you understand how shocked I am to be writing an article with this headline… and meaning every word of it.

I just made $1,900 very quickly and very easily. And you may be able to make money in the same way—but it only works if you are as irresponsible and disorganized as I am.

Intrigued? Mwa ha ha! … good.