You know that feeling when you’ve been writing nothing but research intensive bummers, and then you get the worst autoimmune flare of your life? And when you can’t sleep because of the pain, you re-read ALL of Sailor Moon, and strengthen your already extant opinions on the net worth of Sailor Scouts?
…It’s a universal experience, right?
Fighting evil by moonlight, making money by daylight. That’s the Bitches Get Riches mission statement in a nutshell! I’ve conducted thousands of hours of exhaustive research on Sailor Moon. (This research was done from age ten to, um… the present.) And I’m ready to provide a definitive ranking of the hypothetical net worth of all the Sailor Scouts.*
Now, we’ve got a little issue here: age. Most of these characters are 14 at the start of the show. Obviously, I don’t expect junior high schoolers to have money. They can (and should!) be focused on developmentally appropriate things, like school, and recovering memories of past lives when they lived in a technologically advanced dome castle on the moon during a prehistoric golden age before a evil sentient solar flare made everybody kill themselves. Therefore, I’m using financial projections that would bring everyone to a standardized age of 30.
Please note that this list is limited to classic planetary scouts only. I’m not including Tuxedo Mask, whose star seed, as we all know, belongs to the guardian of planet Earth but is technically not a true scout himself. I’m skipping villainous scouts, such as the Amazoness Quartet or the members of Shadow Galactica. I’m not getting into one-offs, musical exclusives, corporeal manifestations of the light of hope, and other bullshit characters. I need to leave room for a sequel in case this video does numbers.
It’s dinnertime, people. Let’s get to the meat!
From lowest net worth to highest…
Note: This is an updated and much-expanded version of an article initially published November 6, 2017.
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