5 Horror Movies About Money to Terrify You This Spooktober

5 Horror Movies About Money to Terrify You This Spooktober

Just in time for Halloween, we’re here to pitch five of our favorite horror movies about money. We just noticed it’s been far too long since we wrote something unabashedly silly. Forgive us!

You may not know this about us, but we Bitches are high-key obsessed with scary movies. If we’re hanging out together, odds are high we’ll throw on something with ghosts, ghouls, werewolves, or axe-wielding serial killers. There are three main reasons this genre appeals to us:

  1. Horror movies are creative. They often have tiny budgets, which forces filmmakers to work with what they have and hone in on what matters. Many household names got their start in the proving grounds of horror. It’s a chance to see fascinating examples of undiscovered genius.
  2. Horror movies expose uncomfortable truths about life and society. All great spooky films are about something real. The surface-level scares of a zombie horde are symbolically linked to our deepest anxieties about other people. The vampire is the unknown outsider; the werewolf the uncontrollable id. The horror genre boldly leaps into subjects where comedies and dramas fear to tread.
  3. Adrenaline is a helluva drug. We’re too old to know where to get good drugs. We have to make them the old fashioned way: by abusing our endocrine systems. With art!

And really, isn’t that what’s interesting about money, too? Our ~*whole deal*~ is trying to make the best, most values-aligned decisions we can with limited funds. This article is extremely on-brand and aligned with our core mission. DO NOT try to tell us otherwise!

Today, we’re plugging a few of our favorite horror movies with a financial twist. The terrifying root of each one is something related to money and the power it brings.

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Frugal Disaster Preparedness for Chill People

Frugal Disaster Preparedness for Chill People

Disaster preparedness for chill people doesn’t really seem to exist. Like many personal finance nerds, I am a resource hoarder to my squirrelly little core. I finish every video game with a massive pile of money and top-tier supplies I worked feverishly to acquire, but never actually used.

It’s not a virtue… it’s an -itis. Don’t be like me, kids! Use those megalixers!

Given this facet of my personality, you’d think I’d be drawn to the survivalism (aka “prepping”) community. And I am—but I’ve never really gotten into it. Because most survivalist literature is too extreme for me. Exxxtreme, you could say. I swear I’ve read more than one “beginner’s guide” suggesting tools for your inevitable DIY dentistry. There is no Hint of Sea Salt prepping! FLAVOR-BLASTED ONLY!

But the coronavirus pandemic gave everyone fresh, realistic insights into what a modern large-scale disaster really looks like. Additionally, mine and Piggy’s homes have recently taken a pounding from unusual weather events caused by climate change (floods and storms for me, wildfires and droughts for Piggy). So I spent a lot of time this year thinking about this question:

What have I done—or owned—that made me actually safer or happier during a disaster?

It was hard to articulate… but it definitely wasn’t iodine tablets and camp stoves! See? I was right! As usual, I always find retrospective validation for my laziness, unpreparedness, and/or procrastination.

After a lot of deep thinking, I finally feel prepared (PREPPED?!) to define my own brand of survivalism. This is disaster preparedness for chill people!

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Everything I Know About Minimalism I Learned from the Zombie Apocalypse

Everything I Know About Minimalism I Learned from the Zombie Apocalypse

Dear readers, it’s time I made a confession. You need to know The Real Me™. I’ve been hiding myself for too long.

Guys… I fucking love zombies.

It’s true. Every year around Halloween I go watch a live theatrical performance of George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead. I’ve met Max Brooks twice and both times he declined my marriage proposal. Same goes for Mila Jovovich. I finished The Last of Us in forty-eight hours. Zombieland is my favorite family-friendly, feel-good buddy comedy. I attend my city’s annual Zombie Crawl religiously.

I pride myself on having read the entire canon of zombie literature. Including the one about zombies on the Titanic. And the one where a zombie gets elected president. Even the one where a high school football team is reanimated as zombies just in time to win the state championship. Also the one where zombies played a pivotal role in the formation of ancient Israel. And yes, even the YA romance trilogy (no, the other one). I read Warm Bodies before it was published.

Having lived for years with this unhealthy obsession with zombies, you would naturally think that I would’ve learned something by now (besides the double-tap rule and how to steel yourself for mercy-killing a loved one, of course).

Turns out I did. I’ve learned a helluva lot about minimalism from the zombie apocalypse.

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