Tag: investing

Investing Deathmatch: What Happens in a Bull Market vs. a Bear Market

Piggy 4 Comments

THE PEOPLE HAVE CHOSEN VIOLENCE!

Every month we poll our Patreon donors on what article topics they’d most like to see. And this month, the patrons have called for a rumble in the jungle, a date with fate, a coming to blows, fisticuffs, a fight to the death! That’s right, sportsfans, it’s time for another round of…

INVESTING DEATHMATCH!!!!!!

In this article series, we pit two investing concepts against each other and judge which one is better for you, the investor. Sometimes it’s a close fight. Other times it’s a full-on K.O. Either way, there will be blood (and gifs… lots of gifs). Whether it’s stocks vs. bonds or index funds vs. actively managed funds, the nerdy, analytical shrapnel will leave none unscathed!

Let’s meet today’s contenders…

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Wait… Did I Just Lose All My Money Investing in the Stock Market?

Piggy 16 Comments

The stock market looks real ugly right now. The last six months have been some of the worst for the stock market in the last decades. The Nasdaq is down by 30%, the S&P 500 by over 20%, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average by 15%. It’s lookin’ like a crash, a recession, an “economic downturn”! Which, uh… isn’t pretty.

That’s why I’m choosing not to look!

Indiana Jones does not like to lose money in the stock market.
Dr. Jones: Worst archaeologist ever, merely mediocre investor.

Because when I do look, it seems like aaaaall the gains I’ve earned by investing in the stock market have shriveled up like a scrotum on Hoth. It looks, in other words, like I’ve lost a lot of money.

But have I really? When the stock market crashes, do you really lose money?

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{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Investing for Beginners

Piggy 2 Comments

Long after the Cataclysm, when the Reavers stalked the Land and life in the Before Times was but a distant memory, there were those who sought to understand the past. They sifted through the rubble of long-forgotten cities, searching for clues to the life of prosperity and ease their ancestors had enjoyed.

Ticker tape was found, and a dusty DVD of The Wolf of Wall Street. These artifacts were carefully preserved and venerated, mystics and scholars studying them to unravel the Deep Mysteries. There was a ritual known as “investing,” which took place in a temple called “the stock market” and bestowed upon the masses “dividends.” Could this be the key to the prosperity and opulence of their ancestors?

Only time would tell.

But there were some who remembered the Wysdom of Thee Bitches. You could hear these cultists crying out in the darkness, amidst their nightly rituals, “It’s about time IN the market! Not timING the market!” as they cackled and danced.

It’s been said you can’t save your way to financial independence—you have to invest your way there. But investing in the stock market seems like a complicated, daunting practice reserved for rich people and the bebuttsticked class. In the articles below, we attempt to demystify investing into something everyone can—and should—do.

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Investing in Cryptocurrency is Bad and Stupid

Investing in Cryptocurrency is Bad and Stupid

Kitty 19 Comments

If you’ve been reading our blog for long, you probably could’ve guessed we think investing in cryptocurrency is bad and stupid.

And yeah, I considered using more expansive words like “unethical” and “speculative” instead of “bad and stupid.” Those words had precision, but lacked panache.

Our Patreon donors vote on potential article topics, and this month they wanted to read our thoughts on investing in cryptocurrency. So we get questions about it all the time! Which isn’t surprising. Relative to cash and traditional investment vehicles, crypto is new and confusing. To make matters worse, there’s so much hype surrounding it in the personal finance world that research feels like reading a data science textbook through a swarm of bees.

Mercifully, we’re not here to explain what crypto is, or how the mysterious blockchain technology works (others have done that intolerably boring work for us). Rather, we’re going to release you from caring about crypto in the first place!

So it’s our personal opinion that investing in cryptocurrency is bad and stupid, and you shouldn’t do it. Here’s why.

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Season 3, Episode 7: "I'm Finished With the Basic Shit. What're the Advanced Financial Steps That Only Rich People Know?"

Season 3, Episode 7: “I’m Finished With the Basic Shit. What Are the Advanced Financial Steps That Only Rich People Know?”

Piggy 3 Comments

When people ask us about the target demographic of Bitches Get Riches, we tell them “It’s for the children.” You can tell because of the G-rated content!

True, our readers-slash-listeners trend young and untested in the ways of the financial world. We wouldn’t have it any other way, of course, which is why so much of what we write concerns the problems of early-career personal finance.

But what about those who have “made it”—gotten through the lean years and succeeded financially? What do we have to say to the children once they grow up and leave the nest?

Getting to the advanced financial steps is harrrrrrd...

In today’s podcast episode, we’re talking about Advanced Financial Steps: the shit you want to get to, but can’t until you get through the boring slog of paying off debt and establishing a financial safety net for yourself.

To this end, we focus a lot on investing: investing in yourself, in your goals, in your community. We don’t simply mean stock market investing, or even financial investing. Treat those investments like the horcruxes they are and spread ’em around—diversify! (Just fulfilling our contractual obligation to include one Harry Potter reference per episode. Read the fine print.)

But how does one determine those post-making-it goals? How do you choose where to stash your horcruxes investments once you’ve joined the ranks of the rich? What’s the most effective way to spread the wealth and lift up those around you?

I wish I could say “all will be revealed in this week’s episode” but really, that’s a lofty fucking goal for a twenty-minute podcast by two day-drunk dumbasses with a microphone. So, uh… adjust your expectations accordingly!

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Investing Deathmatch: Timing the Market vs. Time IN the Market

Investing Deathmatch: Timing the Market vs. Time IN the Market

Piggy 7 Comments

Bitch Nation, things around here have been far too peaceful for far too long. No cage matches, no Fury Road-style races to the death. We haven’t even had an inter-Bitch argument in ages.*

So you know what that means…

IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF INVESTING DEATHMATCH!

In this recurring series, we pit two investing strategies against each other, examine the merits of each, and determine which is best for you, the investor. Along the way we hope you learn a little about the stock market, but really… we know you’re just here for the gifs.

Two investing strategies enter! Only one will survive! Who will win this most neurotic and numbers-based fight to the death??? Only time (and minute examination of historical stock market trends) will tell!

Let’s meet our contenders.

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Booms, Busts, Bubbles, and Beanie Babies: How Economic Cycles Work

Booms, Busts, Bubbles, and Beanie Babies: How Economic Cycles Work

Kitty 6 Comments

Today we’re talking booms vs. busts vs. bubbles. This is a bit more theoretical than our advice tends to be. But I promise it’s important! You need to understand the difference between the two if you want to make flexible, resilient, realistic medium- to long-term plans for yourself.

And yes, this topic is dry. So I’ll do my best to blast some cool ranch flavor dust on it whenever possible. In fact, let’s start now!

Q: How is the free market under capitalism like a cock?

A: It expands and contracts, screwing everybody it can in the process!

Me, thinking of this joke in the shower: “I am amazing. I have the glowing-est brain. Our blog deserves every award it has ever won and more. Unless I read that joke somewhere, semi-forgot it, then accidentally stole it???”

If this joke belongs to you, I apologize. Tell it to the FBI agent wire-tapping your home’s smart devices, he’ll put a note in my permanent record.

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Dafuq Is Interest? And How Does It Work For the Forces of Darkness?

Dafuq Is Interest? And How Does It Work for the Forces of Darkness?

Piggy 8 Comments

Here at Bitches Get Riches, we’re constantly extolling the virtues of compounding interest, which Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, and Nelson Mandela all deemed the Eighth Wonder of the World.* This might lead personal finance novices to believe that interest is universally a great and wealth-building thing. Not so, dear readers. Not so.

Just as interest can work for you, contributing mightily to your financial goals over a long period of time, so it can spell your very doom. DOOM.

Like a monetary Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, interest has both your best interests (see what I did there?) and your utter financial destruction at its heart. Let’s explore its dual nature with a healthy dose of hyperbole, shall we?

*Not intended to be a factual statement

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The Financial Order of Operations: 10 Great Money Choices for Every Stage of Life

The Financial Order of Operations: 10 Great Money Choices for Every Stage of Life

Kitty 26 Comments

One of the reasons personal finance can feel so overwhelming—nay, defeating—is that there’s so much pressure to do everything at once. I think it’s why so many people feel lost and incompetent with money. I did too, until I discovered a financial order of operations.

Money decisions are always intimidating. Every financial decision you make compounds over time! That can be good, like when investments grow. But it’s also terrible, because financial mistakes can haunt you for years after you’ve made them. With so much pressure to get it right, every single time, and always on the first try, it’s no wonder people freeze up.

I wish someone had sat me down and compassionately explained that I didn’t have to do everything all at once. If you want to stay motivated and make meaningful progress on a goal, it’s so much better to focus on just one at a time. And just like in eighth grade math, there’s a right order of operations to everything, depending on what stage of life you’re in.

Today I’m going to take you through my financial order of operations. It’s a basic blueprint of ten steps most people could follow to transform their finances for the better.

In my opinion, it’s the best order in which to save, invest, and pay off debt. It also takes into consideration the incredible importance of maintaining motivation and keeping financial decisions centered exactly where they should be: around your personal goals, dreams, and emotional well-being.

Best of all, anyone can follow the first two steps! You don’t need to have money or a job to get started. Woo-hoo! Gates are open—send in the teenaged overachievers!

Obviously, everyone is different. Think of this journey as the Oregon Trail. We all start in the Independence, Missouri of total ineptitude, and we’re all trying to get to the gloriously fruitful Willamette Valley of financial independence. Some of us may choose to raft down the Columbia River Gorge, and others will take the Barlow Toll Road. That’s totally fine! This guide will help you make informed decisions, even if you don’t follow it exactly.

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