Season 4, Episode 2: “We’re Moving in Together but Don’t Plan To Get Married. How Can We Split Finances Fairly?”

Raise your hand if you’ve ever cohabitated with a romantic partner… and you didn’t put a ring on it.

I thought so, you sinful heathens. Say ten Hail Suzes and sin no more!

Moving in with a romantic partner—or even just a friend—and splitting finances is a rite of passage. But how do you navigate that relationship with caution and respect? Is there a right way or a wrong way to split finances? And what if you [gasp!] break up?!?!?

On the podcast this week, we talk about our own experience splitting finances with each other and with romantic partners over the years as we answer a question from a listener who is moving in with their partner with no intention of getting married or combining bank accounts. Enjoy this little glimpse into Bitch history as we wax nostalgic about the days when we could share groceries… and shoes.

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How to Get Married: Bureaucracy, Finances, and Legal Paperwork to do before “I do"

How To Get Married: Bureaucracy, Finances, and Legal Paperwork To Do Before “I Do”

Every once in a while we Bitches are asked marriage or relationship questions. And it amuses me to no end that we are seen as ADULTS with STABLE MARRIAGES and HEALTHY LIFESTYLES. Because we live in keen awareness that we’re floating slowly down a river of Parmesan cheese straight into the yawning mouth of the Ninth Gate of Death, just like everybody else.

Not that’s it’s necessarily wrong! My marriage with Bear just feels like such a humble, natural thing. How could it possibly be instructional to others? He’s currently listening to a podcast in the shower while I do blog stuff from the couch and I love him so stupidly much. 

Yet our loving relationship has much more to do with why we got married than how. Being in love and wanting to spend your life with someone is, sadly, not the only requirement for getting married (common law marriages notwithstanding).

So today I want to talk about the logistics of marriage: the paperwork, the bureaucracy, and the legal gauntlet you must run to get hitched.

In this era of modern romance, it’s pretty common for people to move in together before getting married, even to combine finances or buy property together. We did! That gradual combining of lives makes things pretty painless. But let’s say you’re doing it all at once around the time of the wedding! With that in mind, here’s a list of the steps you need to take to get married… punctuated with gifs from the wedding of John Legend’s dogs.

This is the slippery slope: dogs getting married.
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